Four Kids and a Fiance

Where do we go from here?

2007-10-02T09:25:00.000+13:00

Come joing me at:

Naturally Outspoken www.naturallyoutspoken.blogspot.com

Final Post

2007-09-27T07:38:00.000+12:00

Hi all

Final post on Four Kids and a Fiance.

It's been fun but we are moving on up to bigger and better things. Will post link to new blog next week.

Things have been fucken frantic but mate, I'm looking the hottest I possible can.

Have had acrylic french nails put on, never done that before and I am feeling like a porn queen!! Blair hearts them!!

Had a bikini wax for the first time ever. Usually I just let it grow wild and free. Not as painful as I expected.

Had eyelashes permed, tinted, eyebrows tinted waxed, a pedicure and french polish and baby, I love the attention. I'm nicely tanned thanks to those terrible sunbeds and I am all ready to become a wife.

Have been crazy hectic, am about to head off into another day of crazy hectic.

Can't stay and chat.

Love you all, thanks for the help and advice.

See ya next week, I'm off to get hitched in the Alps!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Drumroll Please ....

2007-09-21T22:26:00.000+12:00

And the winner is .....

ME.

I have come up with the best blog name, which shall be revealed once I become a MISSUS!!

I came up with it about 2 mins after I posted the Name It post and then felt too bad to not let you all continue.

Have to say I loved Middle Child's "Legit at Last" and loved all of Beck's especially the one about the party in my pants and "My Life Went Where?".

So, out of fairness to Becks and all her extraordinary ideas I have decided she is the substitue winner.

So she gets the book so any Aussie birds in the region of Miss Beck, you can call on her for all the great natural advice.

The Shoes

2007-09-21T08:16:00.000+12:00

I better show the shoes I suppose:

Free

Mother had bought them last year to wear to opening of Kids Xpress in Sydney (my Aunty's brain child for sick and traumatised kidlets) but she never did.

Feet fit them. Still look a bit like an elephant in ballet shoes but all is good.

I am at peace.

What Up

2007-09-20T17:15:00.001+12:00

I know, not terribly PC but fuck it's funny.

Is That You Bridezilla??

2007-09-18T08:09:00.000+12:00

Have had a wee few things go crazily wrong.

Made my own invites and sent out ages ago. They were on a white linen look card with lavender watermark (my theme) in the background and a wee bit of the sage/avocado green of the bridesmaids dresses thrown in for good measure. Loved them.

Problem: if you are going to make lavender your theme it would be a good idea to do it in lavender fucken season.

I can't for the friggin life of my find any dried lavender in the quality that I need, anywhere. Have been to a number of lavender farms but can't find anything. Actually, one woman had heaps of the perfect bunches but "they weren't for sale".

I was having those little stand up bunches of lavender in a cylinder vase with a bit of river sand at the bottom for my centrepieces on the white tables with river stones scattered around with little tealights strategically placed in between.

Now I have the one and only option of going and seeing some artificial lavender or changing my centrepieces all together!!

Flowers: have found the perfect photo of calla lilies in a beautiful lilac which matches the colour theme to a tee.

Problem: Guy at flower place told me you could get them and to ring two weeks before to check.
Did that. No, you can't get them said the rude, unhelpful serving wench.
Rang again the next day, Yes, I'll try and get them said the lovely helpful man.
Hadn't heard anything so rang yesterday, won't be able to know until Friday, said man.

Problem: when this problem first reared it's ugly head I went into tailspin, straight off first day of detox and into the comforting arms of a moro bar.

Was just going to shut up the dog in her run over night while we were at wedding, with neighbours to check on her.

Problem: she caught a couple of bees last Thursday and swelled up like the elephant dog. Can't in good character leave the nutter at home with the swarm of bees out the back. So phoned yesterday to get her booked into a kennel and then, going through the processes, found out that she had last vaccination 14 months ago so would need another one at least 10 days before she goes in. Not fucken possible as I have NO money until next week and that only gives her three days. Hoping a friend up country will look after her for the weekend, only a 3 hour return trip to drop her off!! FFS!!

I have a beautiful dress

Problem, I am a tattooed up skank and don't have enought spare funds to purchase the derma colour makeup that hides scars and tattoos. I also have a big scar on right shoulder where the windshield wiper dug in when I got run over and went over the bonnet and through the windscreen of my old english HOD's VW. (whole nutha story peeps). Blair says don't worry about it, all part of you so I don't care. I get that but I still would love to not have the world's biggest black pegasus not flapping it's wings from my back above the lovely lace up back of my primo fucken dress.

Problem, I am puffing up like a puffer fish. Arse bum shit.

The Hens Night

2007-09-14T21:53:00.000+12:00

Two weeks late but was waiting on photos. Have yet to get any of end of the night, sister was great at organising event but not so great at sending out the photos.

Started night with my wedding makeup trial. Worked out great and, although more makeup than I'm used to, I received many a great comment and I decided that I was looking pretty a ok!!

Went to Ann's Thai Restaurant in Christchurch and had a fab dinner with much hilarity. There were 18 of us and everyone introduced themselves and how they had met me. Had everyone from the girl who ditched me on the first day at my last high school to the midwife who delivered all four of my kids and everyone in between.

My sister went above and beyond the call of duty and made me up a Journey with Jules which was a book with photos and all sorts about me. There was a page with an pocket on it with blank coloured bits of card and everyone was asked to write some advice for marriage on it. Was a great laugh the next day.

Went on to guess answers to questions about myself that Blair had answered earlier. Including "what is your favourite sexual position?" and Blair had answered "on top (riding)". He was so wrong - woof woof.

We then left the restaurant, duely pissed and headed back to my sister's place for a Singstar Extravaganza and vodka soaked jetplanes. Was hilarious and had a fucken blast.

Here's a couple of restaurant shots and I will post some singing ones later, when I get them aye Kez.

M.I.A

2007-09-10T13:17:00.000+12:00

I know, I know it's been 10 days since I last confessed.

I don't know if I have the energy to do this one either but I'll do the best I can and then jump ship.

I had my Hen's night on the 31st August.
Absolute blast.
Had a ball.
Great group of friends but I will elaborate with a whole separate post once I receive some photos.

Last couple of weeks have been struggling financially. Really hard to go from weekly pays to fortnightly with no hiatus inbetween. Last week was an "off" week and let's just say that bread and butter was about the extent of the menu. Ever tried shopping for a family of six with three packs of nappies, dog food, cat food and formula taking up near a third of your hundred dollar budget for the week??

Some of you probably have so know exactly my headspace last week.

Friday, got a dose of some bloody tummy bug which started with loose bowel motions and a nauseous feeling and progressed to farting and burping like I had partaken in the most glorious hot indian curry.

Problem being ... I hadn't.

Then yesterday the "piss like a bull out my ringpiece shits" started and have been going ever since.

All night.

So, energy is at an alltime low and I was going to start the detox today. But I can't even eat fruit or veges so I hope to start tomorrow.

Am a bit worried that I may be leaving it a bit late pre wedding to detox. I know that side effects can be massive breakouts as the shit comes out of your body so I would be really scared to look like a pizza on my wedding day.

Bought the wedding rings yesterday. Blair loves his, me ho hum. I went with gold (engagement is white gold) and just plain but my heart really wanted a lovely celtic band. Compromise is a bitch!!

Have been pretty stagnant on weight. Was 101.2kg on Thursday but weighed myself just then and was 99.6kg. But we all know that is all the bum pissing I have been doing!

At the end of the day I will look beautiful and will just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that I ain't going to look like Kate Beckinsale on my wedding day, more like Queen Latifah but damn, that girl is looking fine lately so I can handle that!!

My headspace has been all over the place with financial stress, mothering stress (7 year old boy free to good home, needs watering and plenty of exercise!), wedding stress, weight stress, and it has all resulted in my house looking like a fucken hovel.

It has always been the way in my life, if my head is muddled and chaotic then so is my house. That was okay when it was just me but now that there are four kids and a fiance depending on me it makes it bloody hard for harmonious living to have shit everywhere. I mean everywhere. Don't believe me??

Okay, so photos are shit but you can get the jist of it. Nothing looks ordered and neat.

I have never been fond of house work and get by on the essentials but I just want to spring clean the house but never seem to have the energy to start. And to make the matter worse there are fucken rodents in the linen cupboard. I can guarantee there is a whitetail spider or two in there as well. Fuckers.

So that's it. Over and out, the toilet beckons.

Name It

2007-08-30T07:52:00.000+12:00

A couple of you have pointed out, and I have been in a quandry about this since we set the date, that my blog name is no longer going to be relevant after the 29th of September.

And no, I am not changing it to Four Kids and a Husband!!

So .......

In the interests of competitive behaviour .......

I have a "Name It" competition to put to you.

And to make it worthwhile for you dudes, I have the fucken bestest prize for the winning suggestion.

We all know (actually, some may not) that I am a "just about qualified" naturopath. So I have a beauty of a book for you darlings.

It is called Sustaining Health: The Physical Dimension in Health and Healing written by Melva Martin. Melva is the principal of The Naturopathic College of New Zealand and is also a registered nurse, osteopath and has gained her doctorate in something I can't think of right now. She is in her twilight years and is a wealth of information on all that is natural and good for us.

It is an invaluable tool to recognising what is in your kitchen cupboard that can help you with everyday ills and aches. I have used this book every week of my life for the last four years. I have another new copy in storage and, whoever hits the nail on the head with the new blog name, will get it sent out to them so they have this gem at hand.

So all you have to do is get thinking.

Take into account who I am, what I stand for, what I do, etc etc and see what your blogger brains can come up with.

The competition will run until my wedding date and, post honeymoon, I will be back to announce the winner and change the blog.

Just email me your idea or post as a comment.

HELP ME PLEASE

2007-08-27T07:19:00.000+12:00

This is not a post as such.

This is a desperate plea for help.

My feet are massive, this has been a sad reality since pregnancy number three.

Problem:

Went to No 1 Shoes on Saturday and literally tried on approx 100 pairs of shoes - not one pair could I get my feet in.

My feet are wide, probably from the last 3 years not really wearing any restrictive footwear.

But the big problem is the thickness - they are, just past the toes, about 8cm thick! I kid you not and that is now when I have been asleep all night. As the fluid builds up during the day they get thicker.

So, what the hell am I going to wear on my feet to my wedding. I need a bit of a heel to make the dress sit and drape properly and, here's the catch ...............

I need them by next Monday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please any similar elephant footed women, give me guidance.

I am in a very tearful state about this.

The Ultimate Cleanse

2007-08-23T12:49:00.000+12:00

So, after much discussion regarding poos, photos of poos and the detox, I finally ordered it and it should be here by Saturday at the latest. In the interests of getting started and therefore finished before The Hen's Night next Friday night, I am starting the fruit and vege only days tomorrow.

It does seem rather bizarre to me to start myself on a strict regime on a Friday when I really will just want to drink rum, drink wine and eat butter by the spoonful. But it has to happen.

I lost a total of nada over the 4 week challenge. I gained 200g. Not really a big deal but not really like I kicked arse for my first dress fitting.

Speaking of dress fittings, first one is on Saturday, hopefully I can lose 8 kg in two days eating only fruit and veges. Not fucken likely.

Bought an mp3 player on Tuesday for the wedding music.

This is where you all come in. Now lurkers, slackers and the like, now is the time to come out of the woodwork. I have never needed you more.

I need to hear THE song that gets you fired up at a party, wedding, or at the pub.

I have many including Copperhead Road, Sweet Caroline etc etc.

What I need is for you buggers to let me know the one or two or three that really get you in the dancing mood.

Go for it.

Knock me out.

I am going to have the best wedding playlist in history.

These are my ceremony and wedding dance songs linked to their YouTube videos (please check them out if you don't know them):

Walking down the aisle/bush track: Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser
Signing the Register: Make a Memory by Jon Bon Jovi
It's all Official song: Afternoon Delight by the Starlight Vocal Band

Wedding Dance Song: Love Will Keep us Alive by The Eagles

Week 3 Results

2007-08-23T12:05:00.000+12:00

Briony -
Chubby Mum -
Cranky Bee - hasn't given any results so catch ya up
Jo -
Jules (Me) - 101.2kg Loss 400g
Kittie -
Kitty Kat - 58.9kg Loss 500g
Krissy - 93.8kg No movement
LeighAnne -
Lyn - 108kg New weighin on new scales
Marie -
Mellisa -
Michelle - hasn't given any results so catch ya up.
Rachael - 72kg Loss 400g
Wanna - 73.2kg Loss 800g

As you can see, all up us have either lost weight or maintained, those of us that have given the bloody results!! I weighed in this morning for my final weigh in - 100kg flat, so I managed to gain 200g over the four weeks, which is technically the weight of 1 cup of rice. Not too bad really although the fucken aim was to lose!!

Dress fitting is on Saturday at lunch time.

The Three Bears - The Real Story

2007-08-21T13:19:00.000+12:00

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first.It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the cats their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, becauseI'm only going to say this once.............................................

.....................................................

......................................................

I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!!

Brighter

2007-08-16T13:12:00.000+12:00

Well, bubble wrap aside, I still lost 400g this week!

How do I manage to do this??

Who knows??

I did have a couple of 1 hour walks.

I think I'm nearly over the hump.

I'm ordering some Ultimate Cleanse and going to kick start it all next week. I need a new focus and have been wanting to detox and liver cleanse for ages so I decided to follow Lyn's lead and give it a flurry!!

What I won't be doing is taking photos of the excrement that is released from my bowel during this cleanse. While searching for the stuff I found an American site which promoted some cleanse by Blessed Herbs and all these people had sent in photos of their gross expelled shit.

Now we are not just talking your run of the mill poop.

We're talking ugly, been stuck to your intestinal walls for a good 15 years crap! Foul. What's unbelievable is the photos of all Amercan women standing there with a stick or some other object holding up their half metre long excrement tubes and smiling all american smiles with it. What the fuck is going on in their heads?

Hey Blair, I've just done the most foul looking, god only knows how foul smelling, shit in the universe. Would you be a hun and pop in with the camera and grap a snap??

Too much spare time on your hands if you're photographing your turds.

A Head Fill of Bubble Wrap

2007-08-14T10:22:00.000+12:00

That is what it feels like at the moment.

A fuzzy unclear feeling with the odd pop!!

I have been reading some inspiring reads lately. Many of you are in such a good place while others of you are in the same sinking boat I'm in. The most positive of all, for me, is Becks. She is just constantly finding the best in every situation at the moment and I would so like to be in that frame of mind.

But I'm not .....

I'm struggling.

I have tears in my eyes right now.

My muffin top is protruding over my size 18 jeans. My skin is shitty. My skin is itchy. My sinuses are stuffy. My arse is too big. My eyelids are heavy.

Why the fucking hell can I not just get up each day, eat gluten free and be a fucken good girl?? I lecture the kids all the time "how hard is it to just do what you are told and behave yourself?" Well actually Mum, it's bloody hard and you can't do it so why the hell should we.

I feel the old familiar feeling of tension in my neck, in between my shoulder blades.

All I ate yesterday were biscuits dipped in coffee, for breakfast and lunch and then I had half a loaf of white bread with butter with fried rice with cheese kranskys in it for dinner. I had at least 6 cups of coffee yesterday.

I have the juicer there.

I have the herbal teas.

Why the hell it so hard to deal with the basic operation of your willpower?

How is it that I can't get my desire to look fab to fall into line with my mind and body's actions?

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side??

Week Two Results

2007-08-13T22:11:00.000+12:00

Briony - 77kg No movement
Chubby Mum - 120.5kg Gain 600g
Cranky Bee -
Jo - 82.4kg Loss 900g
Jules (Me) - 101.6kg Gain 600g
Kittie -
Kitty Kat - 60.4kg Loss 100g
Krissy - 93.8kg Loss 1.6kg
LeighAnne - 93.8kg Loss 200g
Lyn - 107.4kg Loss 3.2kg
Marie - 92.7kg Loss 200g
Mellisa - 93.5kg Gain 1.5kg
Michelle -
Rachael - 72.4kg Loss 1.7kg
Wanna - 74kg Loss 2.4kg

A Plethora of Things

2007-08-10T08:27:00.000+12:00

Gain of 600g this week, officially making me the biggest LOSER in the world. What a dick!! Who gains weight before their dress fitting??
Four new fillings, a fixed front filling and my old crown taken off and a new temp one put on, which incidentally is yellow and makes me look like a gangsta rappa!!
Lingerie fitted and bought yesterday. Hideous yet great experience. Standing in front of full length mirror with Magic Knickers on and a bustier (which I got for $100 instead of $160 because the lady had dropped some ink on it just under the boob and you can't even see it when it's on!). Not very sexy but I'll find something nice to change into, it's all about what you look like in the dress afterall.
Visit to the Urology Physiotherapist who made me lie on a bed with no knickers on and doing all sorts of crazy coughing and tightening tasks while she shoved her fingers up me va-jay-jay to see how conditioned my pelvic floor is. Couldn't quite get if figured so I then had to stand up, do a half crouch with one hand on the basin and my right foot on the bottom of the bed while she crouched in front of me with her fingers up the vjj and she tried to peer in to see what was going on. I was mortified but imagined at that very instant that Blair would think it was BRILLIANT!
Bought an Isuzu Bighorn so our oversized family can finally get around together.
Was toddler and baby free on Wednesday night so took the older two kids to Robbies for some special time out with Mum and Dad. The atmosphere was great but the food was shit. Paid $13.50 for the seafood nibbles basket which in the description said "one to share". With whom I do not know. Maybe Smurfette. There were 2 squid rings, 2 fish bites, 2 scallop bites (mock!) and a basket of chips. So basically we paid $13.50 for a scoop of chips and some fish flavouring!! I won't even go into the rest of the shit meal. As soon as the mains were served Ben announced he needed a poo (which is translation for "I'll be gone for 20 mins and no other human being is going to want to go into the toilets for the next 24 hours).
Was chatting to sister this morning and she mentioned that she was trying to get some photos off Mum for a photo board for my hens night. Mum laughed and said "do you want ones of her eating!!". Sister told me, I went quiet and tried to hide the fact I was crying. Why does this affect me so much?? Fucken bitch. Anyone would think she was Elle MacPherson.

Week One Results

2007-08-07T07:29:00.000+12:00

Briony - 77kg No movement
Chubby Mum - 119.9kg Loss 800g
Cranky Bee -
Jo - 84.3kg No movement
Jules (Me) - 101kg Gain 1.2kg
Kittie - 85.5kg Gain 500g
Kitty Kat - 60.8kg Gain 300g
Krissy - 95.4kg Loss 200g
LeighAnne - 94kg Loss 400g
Lyn - 110.6kg Gain 3.1kg
Marie - 92.9kg Loss 500g
Mellisa - 92kg Loss 500g
Michelle -
Rachael - 74.1kg Gain 400g (not official)
Wanna - 76.4kg Gain 1.4kg

So, as you can see, a heap of you slack arsed buggers haven't sent you weights in. This sort of blatant tardiness will not be tolerated. I am a busy mum of four, trying to organise a wedding. You mo fo's just better get the results in quickly or I may just have to beat someone's bumhole with a riding crop.

A Pain in My Arse

2007-08-02T12:42:00.000+12:00

R18 - fine to read if you can handle copious amounts of swearing, sex talk and other grubby stuff

In the interests of not having a fifth child, I got a jab in my gluteus maximus on Friday.

I'm talking about the Depo injection.

Now, I have sworn that I would never use this shit in a month of Sundays but I was at breaking point. Thursday morning saw Blair trying his hardest to slip another one past the goalie so I decided enough was enough. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Lucky for me there was a student nurse at the clinic who decided to look in on the jabbing. Good one! Haven't had enough degredation over the last couple of weeks. Truthfully though, lucky for me I was wearing me flash knickers.

So tomorrow I can have sexual encounters with not a care in the world.

So what is the issue??

Could be the fact that you are quite likely to gain a bit of weight on the injection. Actually, matter of fact, the food you eat as a result of the extra hormones in your body making you feel permanently premenstrual and just wanting to eat fish and chips, and burger king, and drink copious amounts of rum and coke, and eat chicken fillet burgers and chips the next day with chocolate milk, and pizza and glasses of chardonnay. Just something I heard happens, not saying that I know or anything!!

So THE INJECTION is the reason I have put on 1.2kg this fucken week putting me back into the fucken triple figures and officially making me want to lie on the floor crying and crapping my pants.

Boo fucken hoo.

Let the Challenge Begin

2007-07-30T10:39:00.000+12:00

So who's in?

Moi
CrankyBee
Leighanne
Kitty Kat
Chubbymum

So if anyone else wants to join you have till the end of today to send me your start weight and details.

That is all about that!!

Update: Krissy, welcome, it's a 4 week challenge, counting down to my first dress fitting. Details in previous post.

A Milestone

2007-07-26T17:57:00.000+12:00

99.8kg

I have done it!! I have broken the exclusive double digits barrier.

Do you have any idea how long I have needed this??

I have been in the triple digits for over 6 years. After baby number two I was briefly in the 90's but have been in the hundy's ever since. But today I stepped on the scales and was 100 flat. I desperately tried to empty every possible fluid sac and to no avail. Nothing would budge. Blew me nose, jumped back on and 99.8kg!! Who would know that snot can accumulate up the nostrils to the tune of 200g??

I don't care!!

I'm in the 90's.

I would love to be in the 80's for my big day.

So that motivated me to jump on the exercycle and do some peddling and drink plenty of water.

Had peaches, acidophilus yoghurt and LSA for breakfast. Good girl aye??

So, I'm thinking of doing a little 4 week challenge to motivate me. Starts by Sunday so either email me your start weighin for this week or post a comment if you want to join me.

My start weight is 99.8kg. I want to lose 5kg by 23rd August.

Operation Smaller Butt Crack is on!!

My prize is fitting my wedding dress but I want to supply a wee incentive for you guys too.

So the winner will receive a copy of "Diary of a Fat Man" an inspiring story of a man who lost 64kgs.

Progress will be worked out by percentage as per the Biggest Loser so that it is fair for all. Join me, go on, what have you got to lose???

It's the Little Things ...

2007-07-23T13:22:00.000+12:00

The big ticket items are sorted for the wedding, you know the dresses, the venue, the reception, the invites are out, the wedding party has been chosen, blah diddy blah blah.

Now it's the little things that are doing my head in - there are so bloody many of them.

And it is starting to make my head ache.

Blair has traditional ideas about the wedding cake, small icing roses etc. Personally I can't stand the idea.

Seems I stuffed up when I chose Lavender (the plant) as my theme as it isn't actually in flower in September - only me!!

Table tops? Had my ideas but the male in our partnership seems to have a million and one ideas of what is going to look classy and what is not. Since when do males want to have anything to do with this sort of thing??

Now here is the big thing:

I have to lose as much weight as possible by the 23rd of August, which is in a month!! I have 4.3 weeks to lose heaps of lard from my arse, torso and arms. Everywhere else too but these are the key areas. So I need a plan and I need a good one.

So here it goes:

Nutrition:

gluten free
fruit 3 serves a day minimum
veges 6 serves a day minimum
lean meats, fish and chicken
no potatoes, rice, pasta, breads etc after lunch
drink 3L water a day
nothing sweet after dinner (only fruit, yoghurt or nuts)
breakfast either poached eggs or fruit, yoghurt and LSA
raw nuts and seeds as snacks
eat rocket every day
start each day with 2 glasses water with lemon juice
once I get a juicer: apple, carrot, celery, beetroot and ginger juice each morning
a green tea after dinner
chamomile and honey tea before bed

EXERCISE

bike on exercycle 20 mins a day, before breakfast, (9 secs hard out, 12 secs normal)
more incidental movement (Hi 5 dancing with Phoebe, more housework etc
weather permitting, walk to pick kids up from school (4km return trip)
sit ups 50 a day, working up to 100 a day
arm exercises (lots of them!!)

Any Orrifice You Barstards Don't Need to Violate??

2007-07-19T07:54:00.000+12:00

The last seven days have left me with the "it's been one of those weeks" feeling.

I have had seven days of violation and it all hit the surface on Wednesday night as I lay on my bed weeping like a widow!!

We all know I had the vadge violated with the IUD incident.

Then I had blood tests for pregnancy, (negative by the way!!).

Is a vein considered an orrifice?? It should be!!

Then the straw that broke the camel's back came yesterday.

I had to go for a bladder test/x-ray so that they can test my bladder muscles and see if my pee bag is irritable. If it wasn't before it sure as hell is now!

I had to turn up at the hospital yesterday for a catheter (well, let's not be coy - two catheters) to be stuck up me peehole and another tube to be stuck up my rectum!!

I entered the room in my clay coloured gown feeling as nervous as a dog before a neutering. I met the Professor/corpse that was performing the tests and his sidekick nurse/skeleton. There were two more audience members behind a curtain in the xray room.

I had to jump up on a skinny little table, roll over to face the wall and then a tube was stuck up my rectum. The professor pushed a bit, mumbling about not being able to get it in, and then off it shot, right up the jacksy!! Talk about fucken uncomfortable. Then I had to roll back on my back, hike up the legs and drop my knees so he could rub a freezing concoction on my opening so that the tube wouldn't hurt as much as he shoved it up my pee hole.

I looked at the roof and tried to relax (yeah fucken right!)and it hurt and I felt very sad. As I looked at the roof I thought of Steph and the vadge incident and thought to myself, well I fucken top her on this one!! Then I thought, what the fuck are you doing thinking about your blog buddy while you are getting a catheter stuck up your peehole by a geriatric?? Who knows!

So then skeletor nurse proceeds to fill up my bladder with cold saline.

"Just let us know when it starts to feel full"

So I quickly let them know that it felt full but according to The Walking Corpse there was no way I should feel full yet.

After a series of coughing, bearing down and all sorts of bullshit that they watched via x-ray on tv, they informed me that I would have to hold onto the sides of the bed as they were about to tip me up vertical. The whole fucken maching tipped forward and I felt like I was going to fall off the thing, bare arse in the air. Then the old one gave me a contraption that looked like a funny thing you would hop on at the local trade fair. It was a urine collecting funnell and it had a large curved handle at the front of it.

"Just position it up against you very tightly as if you were riding a bike, nice and snug, then relax and empty your bladder."

They all stepped away and here I stood teetering on the edge of the little foot panel, urine collector between my legs, holding on tight to a stupid handle that reminded me of a pogo stick, and - - - nothing happened.

"Just close your eyes and imagine you are on the toilet at home" then steps away again.

After a minute or two of non urination, a cellphone went off behind the wee viewing wall where the x-ray people were hanging out. Fuck this, there is no way I'm gonna be able to pee.

They gave up on me, flipped the bed back and sent me on my way.

So I got home, went through the motions of making dinner etc and then lost the plot and lay on my bed and howled. I felt rather violated and if any fucker wants to go near any of my holes any time soon they have better have a bloody good reason for doing so.

Is That An IUD Sticking Out Your Cervix Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

2007-07-16T20:46:00.000+12:00

Wednesday arvo and I was sitting on the loo (as you do) and I randomly thought, better check the IUD strings are in the right place. Having had one get past the backstop with my last pregnancy I am religious in checking every month, although last month I didn't have to as the gynae did it for me.

So I had a bit of a feel around and then I thought I felt something hard. WTF?? Something hard and plastic feeling. Shit mother fucker ho bag!!

I phone doctor, I see doctor next morning, doctor confirms I
a) have an IUD hanging out me cervix
and
b) have a mild case of thrush coming on!! (Shame!!)

So apparently I am not SAFE, and the past seven days have not been SAFE either!! When an IUD comes out the sperm can still be living up there happy as larry for seven days still ready to impregnate poor innocent angelic wee eggs!!

Have had a serum pregnancy blood test today and let's all cross everything that can be crossed to make sure this bride to be is not pregnant!! I get my tubes tied in about 3.5 months, I DON'T NEED ANYMORE KIDS!!

So my doc reckons I should come back for a new IUD next week but I have decided fuck that. It is just too risky thinking that you're safe and all the time your overworked loose vadge isn't strong enough to hold in an IUD!!

The Neverending Wipe

2007-07-09T08:13:00.000+12:00

Caution: Poos and Sex talk ahead

Have you ever got the kids off to bed, done the dishes, the house is in order, the fire is on and it's below zero outside.

Your man is showing friskiness alert signals.

You're up for it.

All you need is a shower and it will be all systems go.

Then the urge to pass a bowel motion hits.

No worries, off to the toilet you go, this is pre-shower so you're all good.

Said bowel motion done, time to wipe.

And wipe.....

and wipe.....

and wipe again....

is this shit ever going to be gone???

A mental image of your impending romp flashes into your head.

Oh baby, oh baby, grope grope grope .... awkward silence ....

"is that shit??"

.................................

Needless to say I didn't have sex last night due to horror at thought of above scenario!!

Moonwalking

2007-07-06T10:29:00.001+12:00

That's exactly what I am doing at the moment - Moonwalking, going backwards!!

I have been eating too much gluten. I have had a crook tummy (go figure) and I have put on 1.2kg in the last two weeks!! Silly considering I need to lose weight for my impending wedding.

I haven't been exercising the dog and, as a consequence, the bitch has been digging holes!!

The rain and shit weather is here and settled!

I have decided to kick my own arse. But, could do with a good butt booting from you guys too.

Do I want to look like this on my wedding night???

Tagged

2007-07-02T07:41:00.000+12:00

Thanks Mellissa!!!

Instructions: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place.
Then add your blog to the bottom slot...like so...

1. The Fat Lazy Guys Log
2. Sandie Bee
3. Diet Coke Rocks
4. Your Not Fat Hey Mummy
5. Four Kids and a Fiance

AND NOW FOR THE QUESTIONS:

What were you doing ten years ago?
I was living in a flat in the central of Christchurch with two gib plasterers. They used to steal my underwear and pass them around the Christchurch International Airport construction site. This was dirty underwear too!! One pair ended up on a friend of mine's brother's steering wheel!! I had just lost my job and was quickly drinking my way through the 3K redundancy! I was 21 and was in the middle of a sordid triangle affair and I was very unhappy! About 80kg.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was pregnant with Sian and working at the accountants, and about to head to New Plymouth for my week long Naturopathy course. About 108kg I think??

Five snacks You Enjoy:
1. Sour Cream and Chives Grainwaves
2. Celery with Sweet Chilly Philly
3. Peanut butter and banana on toast!! With a wee bit of brown sugar sprinkled.
4. Creamy blue cheese on crackers
5. Eggs

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Hotel California
2. The Gambler
3. Always ... Atlantic Star
4. Me and Bobby McGee
5. All Hi 5 songs

Five things you would do if you were a Millionaire:
1. Buy a farm
2. Buy horses
3. Build our dream house, not just a practical one, it would have stables, a music room, a bunk house, a huge rumpus room with bar, 6 bedrooms for all of us plus a guest wing.
4. Finish my naturopathy, learn to dress design and sew.
5. Have ALL the people I want at my wedding with a marquee at Mt Potts.

Five Bad Habits:
1. The fucken internet
2. Eating
3. Laziness
4. Control Freak
5. Sniffing things, this nearly had me vomit in the supermarket the other day because I sniffed a dried pig's ear that I saw for the dog, it smelt (fucken surprisingly) like rotten pig. I dry retched!!

Five Things You Like Doing:
1. Orgasms
2. Eating
3. Laughing
4. Cooking
5. Camping

Five Things You'll Never Wear Again:
1. Nappies
2. Shoulder pads
3. Size 24 clothes (Well if I don't pull my head in .... that may not be true!!)
4. Leggings
5. Bike pants

Five Favourite "toys":
1. Silver Bullet
2. My computer
3. Blair
4. My kids
5. My sphegnamometer

TAG :

M
Yo Heave Ho (Bags)

The Dress

2007-07-02T07:26:00.000+12:00

Well ....

The dress arrived on Saturday and there are dramas.

It is way too small in the bust (I'm in a DD/E depending on the time of month) and I don't think it will be adjustable. The waist and hips are too big but could be adjusted. The drop arms are too tight, I have child bearing arms.

So I am beginning to think the adjustment thing is going to be a drama and a half.

I am thinking I would be better to relist the dress if she won't refund me, get one made that is similar in design and at least be rest assured on the day that my dress is going to fit me like a glove, albeit a boxing glove at this rate of weight loss.

On a more exciting note, Keri (sister, matron of honour) and I went looking at bridesmaid fabrics. She saw a print ad in a women's mag the other day for Mitchum deodorant and it showed a wedding day prep and the bridesmaid was wearing a sage green 3/4 strapless dress with a lavender organza wrapped around the waist. It was gorgeous and, after great yarns with an on to it manager at Fabric Vision, we have decided on materials etc and designs to suit Peta and Keri. The manager was AWESOME! She knew her shit and I asked her if she was a dressmaker as well, and she is. Only problem is that she is moving in a couple of months to Timaru, 2 hours drive south of Christchurch. I will see what else comes up but I may just have to stalk the woman!! Jane, her name is, Jane my dressmaker ... sounds good.

On an even more exciting note, had a great weekend with the fridge situation finally being addressed!

Flirtatious Flop

2007-06-28T16:01:00.000+12:00

Blair and I have a routine every morning, the alarm goes off around 6am and we stumble out of bed and he gets ready for work while I make his lunch, get his coffee and warm the house for the day.

Yesterday was like any other morning aside from the fact that I felt sexy. It has been a while since I have felt this sort of urge in the morning and I caught my own reflection in the window. My white short sleeve pj top was tight around my over ample breasts and for once they looked pretty pert.

I instantly got the flirt instinct.

Blair was busying himself around in the hallway and I expected him in the kitchen any minute. I sucked the ab in, put the shoulders back, had another check in the window and thought, he's gonna want to take me!!

Blair walked in, picked up his coffee, walked into the dining room and sat down to drink it. Damn, that didn't work.

In a couple of minutes I knew he'd be back in so I had to amp it up a bit. I went to the fridge and stuck the norks in as far as they could go, trying to stiffen the nipples so that they would attract him like a rabbit in headlights. I glanced down, not as effective as I had hoped, gave them a quick tweak, that worked.

Heard Blair approach the kitchen again, once again sucked in the ab and then had the brain wave to pretend I was putting my hair in a ponytail so that it lifted the girls into full view. By this time I was like a cat on hot bricks, hoping for even a wee bit of attention before my strong builder man left for work.

He walked towards me with a loving look and I thought "Come to Mama!"

He kissed me, said he loved me and off he went out the door.

What the fuck??

Do I need to stand nude with my arse in the air to attract my husband to be??

Any tips on surefire flirting tactics??

NB:**** From now on I will be leaving replies to your comments on the same comments page as you leave the comment on, so if you are looking for an answer check back later for it. I have seen this done on other blogs and it works quite effectively as you don't have to be bloghopping to give someone a reply.

Release the Hounds

2007-06-27T08:09:00.000+12:00

I have a confession to make .......

I am not a nice polite person.

I never have been.

I swear too much.

I have often indulged in enough alcohol for about five women.

I love passionately my friends and family.

I am oversensitive to a lot of things.

I love sex.

I love attention but I loathe it also.

I am very emotional.

Did I mention I swear a lot?

I try to be a great mother but sometimes feel I lack the finesse.

I love the "alternative" side of life.

I love crystals and flowy skirts and sandals and incense and the spiritual unknown.

I own a vibrator and I use it.

I can be very manipulative.

I love laughing my tits off.

I swear a lot.

I am a procrastinator.

I love men, not just as sexual beings but as friends, I love the uncomplicated friendship of a male.

I was always one of the lads when I was younger hence the swearing and non worry with the regard to smut talk.

I am reinventing my blog (many thanks for the kick up the maximus rectus Steph).

I often display a very tame version of myself on this blog and have decided that it is overshadowing the hilarity within.

I hope no one gets offended but this blog is about to become more real in terms of who I am and what I enjoy.

I will be discussing body fluids, sex, masturbation (you know you do it!!), all along with children, weddings, and daily life. I am going to throw all aspects of myself into this blog as I need the release.

I understand if you must leave, but please say goodbye first.

Release the hounds!!!!

Be Grateful

2007-06-25T11:42:00.000+12:00

Through the fabulous Cazzie, I was recently directed to Ella's Child, a blog written by a fabulous strong woman and it inspects every part of her soul. Written with a frankness that is rare, this woman has shown me how to be a selfless partner to my man. I often think of her and if anyone has a minute or two to spare, go and read her and if only a couple of seconds then read this post. She has just recently lost her beloved husband of around 35 years.

I am in a melancholy sort of mood today. I was up early and went to Christchurch to take Peta to the hospital for her final appointment at the eye outpatients. She has been discharged from their service and now just has to see an optometrist every 1 - 2 years.

It is sleety/snowy weather here and I have no motivation to do anything. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch Oprah or some other mindless crap!

I need water I think.

That is all.

What You Talkin' Bout Willis??

2007-06-24T11:00:00.000+12:00

How can I resist this cheeky grin?

How can I resist these eyes?

I have been bad and I have been good. On Friday I walked twice for 45 minutes each time. Then I was a willing participant in the overindulgence of two bottles of coruba!! do da coruba!!!

Then I ate shit yesterday, well not literally shit because that would be bloody gross. I ate BK and I ate other gluten shit.

I have found a jukebox guy that will deliver a 50CD jukebox to Mt Potts, set it up and come back again the next day and pick it back up and it is costing me $250 all inclusive. WTF?? How can the dude be making any pingas?? He will have to do a total of about 10hours travel all up??

I haven't had much time to catch up on everyone but will be there soon to see how you all are. Thanks for all the advice.

I am going to start a competition soon with a fair dinkum prize at the end of it. It will require some wit and forethought on your behalf so keep yourself tuned in.

You Know You're A Bit On The Porky Side When ....

2007-06-20T21:52:00.000+12:00

You sit down in the toilet at the local shopping centre. You do your quick business get up to do up your jeans and see that the "sensor driven tampon and sanitary pad disposal unit" has opened it's lid up.

Without you putting your hand in front of it!

Why did it open?

Because the overlap of your fat arse and child bearing thighs hanging over the side of the toilet set that sensor off!!

I remember Ben saying to me when he was about 3 "Mum, why is your bum too big for the toilet?".

This is also the boy who sat at the dinner table when he was 4 and said "someone at this table is fat and it isn't me". As I was the only fat one I think he was meaning me!!

Although he's quite endearing in his own way it can get embarassing. Like when he said to Blair's mother

"You can't sit on our chairs Nanny, you're too fat, they would break".

15 Weeks

2007-06-18T21:20:00.000+12:00

I have 15 weeks to organise my wedding. Although, being the utter being of brilliance that I am, I have almost organised everything already.

I have set the date for 29th September this year. My buddies from the Sunshine Coast managed to get tickets changed for minimal charge so they are going to be here for it.

Have organised a celebrant who is local to the area. She is 72, was born in Papua New Guinea, went to university in Tasmania and has lived on a farm in South Canterbury with her husband for the past 40 years. She sounds PERFECT!

Have bought the paper for the invites. Am getting the tattoo that Blair and I both have on our backs made into a rubber stamp and will mark all invites with this celtic symbol, which I designed when Blair and I first got together and it symbolizes the progression from friendship into partnership. I will have two inks, black and lavender, and create a marbled effect. I am going to print the invites in black and have a little sprig of dried lavender on them somewhere.

I am also printing up a brochure which explains where Mt Potts is, how to get there and the accommodation available in the area if people don't want to stay at the lodge.

I am looked at wedding rings on Sunday morning and Michael Hill has a huge sale on so hoping to get them this week. Or at least one.

Got our marriage license form for Births, Deaths and Marriages today.

A friend of Ben's Mum has offered to decorate the wedding cake, she used to work at a bakery and was in charge of birthday and wedding cakes.

My great buddy Kim is doing the photography and Jen is doing the makeup.

I have decided to have a simple bound posy of white tulips with intermittent sprigs of lavender in it. My bridesmaids and the flower girls will just have small tied handfuls of lavender. The boys will have little sprigs of lavender in their button holes.

My MC is Kim's dad, he is a brilliant story teller and great all round bloke. Kim's mum has a designer garden that has heaps of lavender.

Invites are to be out by end of next week and rsvp'd by July 30th.

I have found out about stuff called Dermablend that will completely cover the giant pegasus tattoo on my back, and the scar on my right shoulder blade from where the windshield wiper on the VW Beetle hit my back as I flew backwards through the windscreen when I was run over when I was 18.

And I have been advised to go for Bodyshop Hemp something for my cracked heels. I know, yuck but some of us poor barstards didn't get the perfect gene!!

From the sounds of all the practising, I think Blair is going to play his guitar and sing the acoustic sounding "Miracle" by the Foo Fighters as I walk towards him in the open fields below Mt Potts. I hope I don't laugh with nervousness.

I suggested "Afternoon Delight" as our post ceremony song today but we looked up the lyrics and one line goes on about getting a bit of action so I am still wondering if that is appropriate.

We are having a jukebox with all our favourites 70ish music on it. You know the kind that gets EVERYONE up dancing. The Little River Band, Chicago, Bread, Cold Chisel, Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Split Enz, the Dudes, Air Supply, the list goes on ........

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where everyone kept turning off and resetting the jukebox and this one guy kept putting on heavy stuff and it made half the wedding retire to their seats every time. You need the goodies to get everyone jiving. (LOL, just thought that Steph will be thinking I fit into her bogan wedding category).

I'm going to try and find someone who will stay 20mins back at the motel units and come and pick the kids up at around 8pm and take them back there for the night. My mate Jo has this mate Julia, who has no kids of her own but is absolutely brilliant with them and knows my kids and I know that she would be fully capable of handling them all. Either that or my aunty has a number of ex nannies that may fit the bill. I just don't want kids around as I want to enjoy my night without being MUM for all of it.

I need ideas for shoes. We all know I have lymphy ankles, how am I going to fit some nice strappy shoes?? Blair loves the ones that tie up half way round the leg but on my calves that will look like one of those string bound rolled chicken roasts in the butchers. Get thinking people.

And the Winner is .....

2007-06-15T16:54:00.000+12:00

Mt Potts!

Due to all of your heartfelt comments, along with my best mate and my sister, I approached Blair and he said "anything for you" and I thought I had better take advantage of him being in that mood.

Have told Mum and Dad and they are extremely casual about it all and Dad is still talking about paying for ALL the extended family which is brilliant. Just have to set a date, will still either be the 13th October or 29th September. If it is available we will probably opt for 29th September as there is the chance our great mates from the Sunshine Coast will be able to make it on that date.

Thank you all so much for your contributions.

Photos of the kids just randomly:

Peta on Crazy Hair Day

Ben on Crazy Hair Day:

Phoebe trying to look cute:

Sian trying to crawl:

UPDATE****

That is not actually Sian trying to crawl it is me trying to take a photo of Sian and just as I pushed the button Phoebe shot her finger in Sian's eye. Actually a very typical photo of Phoebe and Sian's relationship!!

In Fairness ..

2007-06-14T10:20:00.000+12:00

I should give the clubrooms a bit of a plug too.

From the left:

and the right:

And a nearly every night typical sunset viewed from the clubrooms:

And all you romantics, we have to remember that Blair and I have four children and this venue is about $4,000 cheaper than the other one!!

This Indecision's Bugging Me

2007-06-13T16:00:00.000+12:00

I always revert back to my dream, who doesn't??

This is where I always wanted to get married and where we were booked in to get married on October 22nd 2005 (until we found out we were pregnant with Phoebe!).

More detail can be seen here (please take a minute to check it out so you get a full feeling for what I am dreaming of).

Mum and Dad's place would have sufficed but nothing else is appealing very much. Blair is keen on the rugby clubrooms and he thinks we should change the date to suit. I can see his point, as the club us quite rustic and only costs $100 to hire and jugs are only $7 a pop and we can bring our own wine with a $4 per bottle corkage and it would cost us no more than around $4,500 and that includes food! For 70 people. And that doesn't include the input Mum and Dad may make.

Mt Potts is $300 to hire, is 2 hours from Christchurch in the middle of the Southern Alps and is $59 a head for a buffet dinner, dessert, post ceremony nibbles, and coffee and after dinnner mints later on. That includes all the linen and setting up of the whole function etc. People would have to stay the night either there (at $60 each) or head back to Staveley or Methven or somewhere which would be at least half an hour's drive in the deep back country. But really, I don't give a fuck cos I LOVE the place, and it was where the Edoras part of Lord of the Rings was filmed and it has a special feel!!

Update

2007-06-11T11:56:00.000+12:00

Well, due to being so overwhelmed with the wedding organisation I have not posted for a bit. Now, things seemed to have worked out with Dad coming home from Aussie earlier than planned, will be home tomorrow. He has thrown it out there that they pay for extras to come, which suits me fine.

I think I may have made a boo boo on the purchase of the dress. It said size 16 but after accepting offer I was looking at the actual measurements and the seller had put:

Waist: 105cm
Hips: 120cm

That seems rather odd as when I was size 22 I had those sort of measurements!! What the fuck?? Have I just bought a flipping dress that is miles too big for me and I am going to have to pay big bucks to get altered?? Thought it may have been falling into place a little too easily.

Now I have suggested to Mum and Dad that we have at a venue rather than at their place as I feel the uptightedness may come a wee bit from the fact that they don't want pissed up mates of ours trapsing through their brand new home. Fair enough too. So now it is the great challenge ahead to find a venue that allows BYO as I refuse to pay for bar wine prices, and that is available on the 13th October.

I have two options at this point:

Rossburn Receptions:

The venue is $800 to hire which includes tables and clean up the next day.

They have BYO drinks with no corkage, you have to supply a bar tender.

They allow pretty much any caterers and that suits us fine as we are looking at a serviced buffet at $18.95 a head for roast beef, roast pork and semi boned roast chickens with gourmet buttered potatoes, six salads and fresh bread, gravy and condiments. Can't go wrong.

The only problem being that we would have to hire all glassware from the looks of things. That can end up pricey. Open till 12am and you can't go in until 12noon on the day of the wedding set up, otherwise if you want to do it the day before you will have to pay another $300 for that liberty. Gardens are available for service for $50. Is available 13th Oct.

Second option:

Southbrook Rugby Club:

No photo available. Big two story high glass windows facing the north west (sunset) and a bit dated, think 80's decor of your local rugby club but could spruce up.

$100 to hire plus $200 bond, which you get back. This includes bar staff, glasses and cleaning. Open till 1am. Nowhere nice to get married. Can bring own caterers, see above. Have square tables, could hire round ones. Can have bottled wine but at moment they are saying they would buy what wine we want and then charge $4 a bottle corkage. I suggesting that I buy wine, deliver to them on morning and they can still charge $4 corkage per bottle, what's the difference to them??

Don't know whether available.

The last and previously unmentioned option is to find somewhere in Christchurch which would mean guests would not have to travel out of town. I don't want over the top expensive though. No need for it to be as we will have a huge party where ever it is.

What do you reckon?

UPDATE***

Rugby clubrooms not available.

Let the Dramas Begin ....

2007-06-07T10:09:00.001+12:00

As the title suggests I am putting up with dram-o-rama at the moment.

When did we set the date, a week ago??

Already the bullshit that seems to follow weddings around is rearing it's ugly head.

Mum had told me, when we dicussing this wedding thing at their property a couple of weeks ago, that she envisaged only around 40 people, immediate family and close friends - and I agreed. Blair and I are paying for the wedding, it is just at their house. Anyway, I find out from my sister over the weekend that Mum is up in arms about the fact that none of her brothers and sisters will be invited. And she has phoned Dad and now he is all shitty too that his family won't be invited.

Now I am confused!! I never said I didn't want the extended family there, I just agreed with Mum that is should be kept small. Mum then rings me yesterday and suggests that her and Dad have had an argument due to the fact that I won't invite any aunty's and uncles. I give up!! I said that I had no issue with them being there but because Blair and I were paying for it all that my friends were going to placed before some random uncle that I see once every 5 years at a funeral. Mum has three brothers and four sisters (one passed but her husband would still be included) so that is 14 extras already and then Dad has four so that is another 8!! If we have all our immediate family including our four kids then we have 20 people so that, combined with Mum and Dad's families comes to over 40 people. We wouldn't have one friend there.

I pointed out to Mum how important friends are to me and that by the time you reach 31 and 33 (me and Blair) that the friends you have are your friends for pretty much life and not just all the people you hang out with on the turps with at the pub!! She stated that family should always come before friends.

I give up!! For Fuck's Sake, I have four kids, I just want to get married to the man I love with my family and friends around to share the day.

On a different note, I have spontaneously bought a dress off trademe. What was I thinking, I haven't even seen it!! This is it but it is in white, size 16 but can be adjusted up or down 2 sizes.

By the way, have lost another 600g this week and am now 1kg away from hitting the elusive 90's. Whoop de loop mo fo's!!

Planning Frenzy

2007-05-31T07:27:00.000+12:00

Well, after 4 and a half years of engagement Blair and I have decided to make it official and are in the throes of planning our wedding. We are thinking October 13th this year but have to confirm with my Dad who is travelling the remote north west coast of Australia at the moment.

I have been trying to whittle down an invite list as we are only having immediate family and GREAT friends. Really hard to not invite people but we can always have a shindig at the local pub with all those we didn't invite. It's our day afterall.

Have lost another 800g this week and am feeling great, apart from the last bits of my virus that are hanging around.

Had my public gynae appointment yesterday, most action I've had for a couple of months!! Things are looking good and I have been placed on public list for a tubal ligation and pelvic floor repair. I have also been advised by gynae to get the Kegelmaster 2000 out and get into it because any exercise of the va-j-j is going to help my cause.

Went to obedience training the other night and was great, learnt how much work we have to do with this dog but she is really worth it. Darling little border that she is.

So, what am I up to for the week: Planning a wedding!

Any tips on dresses, especially celtic sorts, would be much appreciated eg:

Quickly Now.....

2007-05-28T14:39:00.000+12:00

Just a quick update. Have been busy, had Ben's rugby on Saturday morning all the way in Culverden, a good 140km from Rangiora! Nearly a 300km return trip for frickin rugby and under 7's at that!

Went out on Saturday night to the Flying Burrito Brothers. Had a lovely gluten free steak with spanish potoates and salad. Lovely meal but a bit off that we had to leave the restaurant at 8.30pm for the next sitting to come in. Felt like a beast in a cattle yard being herded out.

Dog has been a nutter and has chewed up punga logs that are bordering one of our gardens and has taken to stealing shoes and hiding them.

I had a treat size Dairy Milk chocolate bar last night and feel like shit today. That is my first really bad thing since I went gluten free. It doesn't have gluten in it but I still feel like poo bums today.

I am in the process of doing a bit of organising so I will update soon and it will hopefully be with some good news.

I am a Virgin.

2007-05-24T16:18:00.000+12:00

I am really enjoying this gluten free thing. I have lost another 400g this week, small but very significant because .... I have my monthly visitor and I have NEVER once in my life lost weight the week of my monthly visitor. Amazing stuff.

So, this officially puts me at virgin weight status. For the first time in 6 years I am back to virgin fat. Funny thing is I feel way fatter than I did last time I was near to virgin weight. I think it has to do with the extra stretching of skin with another child and the fact that last time I was doing a lot of Tae Bo and biking.

I have definitely picked up the pace in my general life since Saffy came on the scene (we started calling her that from day one Bri, LOL!)as I take her to the park twice a day and run around with her and chase her and walk with her.

Blair takes her every night for a big walk and then does drills at the park with her.

So my goal for this week is to enjoy being a virgin again!!

Woof Woof

2007-05-23T22:03:00.000+12:00

As you have guessed I made an impulse purchase and have finalised my family (for now) with a blue merle border collie named Saphire. I know, the name sucks bum but she is 1 year old and it's bit mean to change her name now as it seems to be the only thing she has been taught.

I'm not kidding, she doesn't know how to sit, drop, come - anything. As a friend has said "I'm a glutton for punishment".

Saphire's owner died of cancer a couple of months ago and left her dog to her two sons in their early 20's. They have shared care of her and had finally admitted defeat in giving her enough attention.

So, next Tuesday we're off to obedience training. The poor darling doesn't even like going through doors, afraid she is going to be shut in. I feel she may have been shut away for long periods of time. I have even left the garage door open with two rubbish bags sitting there and she hasn't gone near them.

So, that is my current project.

What are you spending the week working on??

Impulse Spending

2007-05-20T14:50:00.000+12:00

There's a Hair Up My Anus, Dear Liza, Dear Liza ...

2007-05-18T14:28:00.000+12:00

A quick but wierd one for Friday ....

My hair is falling out in great clumps.

When I wash it I can end up with at least a handful of it.

We find it all over the house.

Blair often phones me to say that he has just bitten into a sandwich I have made and there is one of my long dark hairs in it.

Last night he came out of the shower seeming a little disturbed.

"Somehow one of your hairs has worked it's way up my arse" he said.

"What?"

"I was cleaning my butt and I felt a hair and I pulled it and I could feel it squirming through my arse and when I finally got it out it was one of your long ones. How the fuck did it get up my arse?" he asked.

"You probably ate it and it's just coming out the other end" I wisely replied.

"I don't think so!" he retorts and stomps off.

What, does he think I snuck it up there? Men!!

When & How Do You Weigh?

2007-05-17T11:00:00.000+12:00

I have had another 1kg loss this week and am stoked but, in the interests of science, I weighed again at 11am to see what the difference is between my 7am, nude weight and my mid day fully clothed and starting to retain fluid weight.

7am: 102.8kg

11am: 105.0kg

11am without clothes: 103.6kg

So there you go. This is especially to those that weigh themselves every day, sometimes morning and night, and beat themselves up about the what the scales say. I am not phased by the 11am weighin because I am the fluid retention queen. And my clothes obviously weighed a good 1.4kg. The other 800g was my fluid.

So . . . . to all those ladies that stress over a tiny gain, it can be as little a difference as what you are wearing to what time of day it is. Especially when you are pre menstrual as you retain fluid really badly. And ... if you aren't drinking enough water your body retains fluid.

I am not analysing all these numbers for my benefit as I am happy with where I am headed and where I am at, but I sometimes despair when I hear some of you other darlings worrying to death about what the scales are reading.

Do you feel better in yourself this week?

Are your clothes looser?

Is you skin clearer?

Is your face less puffy?

Do you know you were healthy and honest this week?

These are the questions you should be asking.

PS I'm as sick as a pack of wolves and am overdosing on Vit C and Cell salts. Feel much better today than yesterday and it will all have cleared up by tomorrow evening.
Keep well my peeps.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2007-05-16T11:44:00.000+12:00

Buzzy morning I have had. Mary and Kate know that I have been dying to find a yoga place here in North Canterbury, but alas, all my searching has been to no avail.

The local rag was sitting on the dining table and I went to put it straight into the recycling bin, when something made me open it. There was a woman's face staring out at me. I didn't know her but she seemed familiar. I went to the page her story was on and found an article all about an accomplished dancer I had already had a conversation with on the phone with regard to getting Peta into Jazz lessons. I read on about all her experience, mother of four, dancing around the world with different dance companies, and how she had landed in North Canterbury to escape the rat race and was running her dance studio. I kept reading and, voila (lol Kate!!), she takes YOGA classes.

I phoned straight away, introduced myself and said that we had already spoken regarding dance classes for Peta but she had no spaces available and I was just ringing to put Peta on the waiting list. She laughed and said "you were supposed to phone me this morning, a little girl has just been advanced into the next level so we have space for Peta to start next term". I then went on and mentioned the Yoga. She got excited beyond belief when I explained why I wanted to start yoga, what I was studying and where my beliefs lay. She is an extremely spiritual woman and I just can't believe how one little opening of a paper has me right where I want to be in half an hour.

Put it out there people, and it will come.

What's Up With That Bitch??

2007-05-15T12:45:00.000+12:00

On Saturday I was wandering the main street looking for a gift for my mother. I knew what I wanted but I just needed to find one.

I entered a little gift shop, sort of swanky.

Just in front of me was one of the world's best equestrian riders and his wife. I smiled (as you do when you are a fucken polite person) and proceeded deeper into the confines of the shop.

I walked up, through the ornate giftware and towards the back of the shop where I had spied some bags. I walked straight past the counter where I could not fail to notice a rather large woman, swank-stained to the hilt, black bob with a fringe, big bracelets and beads, larger than life. She sat behind the counter in a pile of uninterest. Then I noticed her nostrils start to flare, her eyebrows arched and her meticulously groomed head did a 45 degree turn in a nano second. She had sniffed out celebrity.

The mass of try-hard waddled past me at a great rate of knots, fending joe blog customers to the left and right of her as her red-lipsticked mouth formed the biggest fake smile I have ever seen in real life. I sort of pitied her in a way, as she had a shit show in hell of reaching said equestrain extraordinairre before he and his lovely wife sauntered back out of the shop, an aura of boredom surrounding them.

Did I feel offended that I, being the first customer in the shop, was completely ignored in favour of celebrity? Ok, a wee bit.

Did I expect the same level of attention to be bestowed upon myself once the 6 ft wide Adams family ring in finally got back to my end of the shop? Stupidly, yes.

Did I the "you right?", spat out in a frosty tone that the Ice Queen herself would envy, quench my thirst for some customer service? No!

Did I leave the shop on principle? You damn fucken right I did.

Tell me your customer service story

A Fitting End

2007-05-14T09:20:00.000+12:00

I had a great Mother's Day! Woke up to kids bouncing into the room with presents and so excited to be giving them to Mum. Phoebe and Sian gave me a gumboot each. Now this is the most practical gift ever as I am a "rugby mum" now and standing on the sideline in my shoes is becoming a messy affair.

Ben gave me a wooden jewellery box, which is great as I currently have all my jewellery floating around my drawers.

Peta gave me a hanging fiery flower with a crystal in the middle. I have hung it up right where the afternoon sun will shine through it and fill my lounge with a red glow.

I had breakfast made for me.

We went to the Gypsy Fair at Dudley Park in Rangiora. I am a gypsy at heart. I love gypsy clothing and crystals and candy floss and tarot and all that is gypsy. I love house trucks. But, in reality, I couldn't stand to live in one.

I think I love the fantasy of not being constrained by society's expectations.

We then went out to Mum and Dad's and I gave Mum her beauty case I had got her for Mother's Day. She was stoked. I definitely won the present of the day award. LOL. Mum has been a great help to me for years now but this year has been so great with all the depression and helping out with the kids. I love my Mum to bits. Then we quickly departed as my sister, her family and her mother and father in law were there. Why? I do not know. We came home and watched A Series of Unfortunate Events with the kids. A bloody great movie.

Then came the fitting end to Mother's Day. I was settling my precious Sian down for bed and was giving her a bit of a cuddle and a burp . . . . . . .

AND SHE POWERCHUCKED ALL OVER MY FACE AND HAIR.

And you know what? I relished in the irony of it. This is what being a mother is about. It is nice to have presents and cards and lovely words said but the real joys of motherhood are inclusive of those little moments when you get a pile of puke in your hair. I laughed out loud and Blair thought I was nuts. That is why he is a father.

Situations Vacant

2007-05-11T09:40:00.000+12:00

MUM - JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION :
Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Mumma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 kms per hr in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered.
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

GF For Me!!

2007-05-10T07:46:00.000+12:00

This is definitely not about weight loss alone, I am in it for the health benefits, but baby - check out "What's The Weight?" to the right >>>>>>>>>

I have not tried to focus on weight loss at all. I have eaten when I am hungry and that is all. I have drunk a bit more water than usual and I think this is a side effect of the drier GF foods. I feel fucken great!!!!! I have more energy. I don't have a sore tummy and I just feel tops.

My little 2 year old slept in a big bed for the first time last night. I have held off getting her out of her cot for a number of reasons but it is definitely time for Sian to progress from the bassinett so I did the big transfer. I was not thinking positively at all, expected an all night vigil as I had with Ben when he went into a cot. But ... she blew me out of the water by hopping in, saying she was cosy and sleeping all night (apart from 5.12am when I heard her repeating "I'm cold, I'm cold" and I went in to find her out of the blankets curled up in a ball).

My 8 year old girl proved yesterday that she is going to follow in her mother's devious ways by wearing trackpants I had bought her for school (it's bloody cold at the mo and they are part of the uniform) when she left the house and then changing into some way too small culottes from when she started school 3 years ago and then changing back before I picked her up. Sneaky little minx. I caught her out though and now am trying to think of a good punishment that suits the crime. I despair because I didn't start this sort of shit till I was about 13!! What sort of a teenager is she going to be?? Crying my arse off at the thought!!

Kids!!

2007-05-08T09:38:00.000+12:00

Phoebe - what can you say, she's 84cm of attitude. I thought I was going to have a huge fight on my hands with changing her diet to gluten free but, no - not an issue for her. She's happy eating the cereal, she seems to like the arse tasting bread and she is loving more fruit in her diet.

Last night I tried the Freedom Foods gluten free Double Choc Chip biscuits and nearly choked on the disgust of it all. I sat down with a coffee and what looked like a lovely little treat. Alas, not to be. It congealed in my mouth, nearly cutting off my airways and went down like gritty sand mixed with sawdust. Foul!! But, being the evil mother I am, I put one in Peta and Ben's lunch and also gave Blair one, laughing to myself thinking of their faces when they bit into what looks like a treat but tastes like dried dog poo. Then Phoebe asked for a biscuit this morning and I gave her one, expecting her to spit it out. She loves them and just had two. I suppose she isn't so conditioned by taste as I am and she will quickly adapt to new tastes. Wish I could!!

We just got her blood results for allergy back and she IS allergic to peanuts but not to wheat. So we are going to have to keep a close eye on her.

Blood Test Bonanza

2007-05-07T21:19:00.000+12:00

It seems blood tests are the thing to be having at the moment.

Blair has his results back and he has no issue with gluten but ...........

has a high cholesterol of 6.6!! Mine is perfect - 4.0. I am worried as he is not overweight at all and eats the same as me. So we are looking at real healthy foods as well as gluten free. FUCK. It's a good thing, it's a good thing. It is making us have a hard look at our diets and it is going to be a good thing.

On another note.... my sister had some blood tests a couple of weeks ago as she kept feeling sick and having a crampy tummy and had been having full on headaches on one side of the head for a while. She has a history of migraines so she just thought she had better get it all checked out. The doc wrote her a letter saying he was away for a week but needed her to come in and have more blood tests as there were some irregular results in the last ones. Apparently she had higher than normal levels of something and he says that this can be indicative of some sort of cancer. Being my sister, she didn't listen to what the high levels were and what sort of cancer it could be. She is just casual as about it. Actually, she probably does know but just decided not to tell me as she knows that I will get my books out and investigate it. I'm pretty confident that it will only be a virus or something and she will be fine. Aye??

I went to a great evening on Friday night with Getrude Matshe at She cafe in Governors Bay. Getrude was amazing, a woman from Zimbabwe who had come from nothing to a near 40 year old who had set up three successful businesses including a talent agency that provided Africans for the Skull Island scenes in King Kong. I really enjoyed my first night out away from Sian and leaving her at home with Blair. She performed a wee bit but all was fine. It was good for me to get out as I have been rather overprotective of my wee darling, considering all the shit we went through with her when she was a couple of weeks old.

When we were at the cafe we met the owner, Bernie Prior, and he is a speaker in his own right about the Feminine Divine etc. I didn't quite get where his angle was but he was asking what I did. I said nothing really, a mother of four. My best mate Kim gave me shit and said don't ever say you do nothing, you do more than most of us. Anyho, Bernie told me to be careful crossing back over the bridge on the way out of Governors Bay as he has made a giant sculpture of a pregnant woman with a big tummy, big breasts and wild hair. I commented "kind of like me then" and he didn't get it!! He said she was a sculpture of fertility and I freaked.

So much so, that I have booked in tomorrow to get another IUD put in. I know, I got pregnant with the last one in but at the moment condoms are the only form of protection and considering I have gotten preggers on the mini pill, with the withdrawal method (no kidding on that one), and with an IUD - I'm just not overly confident in the condoms to keep me safe. When I have my bits fixed I will get my tubes tied but that could be at least 6 months away so I thought "Freaky sculpture guy has given me the shits, time to get an IUD"

I Made My First Loaf of Bread

2007-05-07T07:53:00.000+12:00

Give a man a loaf of bread and he will eat for a day

Teach him to bake and he will eat for life

- unless of course you are teaching him how to make gluten free bread and he will probably not eat for life, he will dry retch and then starve to death.

It's Official - Im Sensitive

2007-05-04T12:24:00.000+12:00

To gluten that is. Got the results yesterday. Peta and Ben are not, so that is good. Blair's results not in yet.

I'm looking at this in the most positive light. I can now focus on finding out a whole new way of cooking and eating and eliminating gluten from mine and Phoebe's diets. My body can start functioning better because it will no longer be fighting the food that fuels it. I am actually excited at being labelled. Strange, I know, but we always knew that didn't we?

As for the wee drama that has been playing out in my head re the friend situation:

I had a heap of comments saying ditch her, as I would probably comment on your blogs if I heard a similar story. But I had two comments that stood out. One was from Arron's Kiwi Girl and it mentioned how long we had been friends and maybe I should mention a few of the issues on my own and see how it goes down. I have decided that this is a great approach and I will start by clearing the mind of all the crap I am holding over her at the moment, stop dwelling in the past and just make sure I stand up for myself in the moment when she offends me or runs me down.

The second comment was from Ana, who had no link or way of replying back so I will do it here, and hopefully she comes back to visit. Ana came from a completely different standpoint on it and, I must admit, at first I got a wee bit defensive about her comment. Then I re-read it and thought about it and decided that I was being very judgemental of N myself by what I was thinking. Which is exactly one of the flaws I was pointing out in her character. Yes, N does drain me sometimes but maybe it is because she is trying to boost herself up and this is the only way she knows how to do it. I want Ana to know that, although my comments about the Te Reo seemed like I thought it was wrong, I don't. I think every child in New Zealand should learn Te Reo and I also think that everyone has a right to their culture whether they choose to follow their own or identify with another. On the other hand, I suppose my inability to understand where this particular person comes from is because we have been friends for 17 years now and I have seen her change her whole personality in the past two. And I don't think it matters if you are one smidgen Maori or 100%, you have every right to identify but I do think that people also have to face the future and realise that this is 2007 and we have to come to terms with the fact that New Zealand is a multi-racial, multi-cultural nation and I personally, don't think you are doing your child any favours by putting them in a full immmersion Maori schooling system. Is it going to do them any favours in 20 years time?? I would like to thank you Ana, for pointing out my lack of acceptance and also for showing me that I have become a bit of a hypocrite in my actions. Arohanui.

Could They Get Any Bigger??

2007-05-03T13:44:00.000+12:00

I kid you not - these are what my breasts look like at the moment. They are lumpy and I just want to cry but, I'm tough so I'll carry on.

My man has proven to me in the last 24 hours - twice - just why I love him to death and he is my best friend.

1. When he got home from work and I was sitting in dining room, breast pump milking my engorged breasts, muffin top swelling over tight jeans and grimacing in pain (not an attractive look) he offered to "suck" some milk off each breast for me if I needed him to. There was no sexual innuendo in it, he just wanted to help my pain. I didn't take him up on the offer but thought it was extremely thoughtful.

2. My best mate txt me last night to see if I wanted to go to a cafe in Governor's Bay tomorrow night to hear an African woman talk about her plight in life and how she has overcome it and then go for a drink at the pub. I replied that I couldn't as we are very low on cash due to bad weather and Blair not having work and therefore a low pay. When I told Blair he seemed upset that I couldn't go out and just phoned me to say that he has organised a progress payment on the garage he is building and that I should go out. (This even though he knows Sian is very attached to me and is likely to do her prunes for him).

So, this leads me to this question:

Who do YOU love and what is a great example of why??

Gluten Filled Binge

2007-05-02T12:14:00.000+12:00

The whole lot of us (bar wee Sian) had our gluten blood tests yesterday. Ben was the biggest woofter about it all. A family full of girls and my son is the biggest of them!! So, in celebration of us going gluten free tomorrow, we went OTT on the gluten crap last night and today. We had:

and

and

and

and

and

So today I am finishing off lollies galore, feeling like a bag of arseholes as I have sugar and gluten overload and brain fog to boot. Got my breadmaker and will be doing a gluten friendly shop tonight. It's pissing down here today and my breasts are ready to explode. Sian had her last breastfeed yesterday morning due to my new meds and I literally feel like my tits are going to burst open and there is going to be a milk flood in my street!!

I'm Blowing Up ......

2007-05-01T11:26:00.000+12:00

I was about to do a big boring post on my blood pressure, final breast feed for Sian and all that - but then I decided it's too boring and I might just do it on something completely obscure . . . .

I have an old circle of friends that have been close since about 15 years old. We have had our split ups etc, some of us have married each other (co-ed) and some of us have completetly decided we don't have anything in common.

Two mates that I have stayed really close to are N and K. N has just had a baby, day before me, and is suddenly the "mother of the earth". And that is not my term, she calls herself that. This is the chic that has constantly had something to say about my mothering, and others, before she had even had kids of her own. K is a blast of a chic. Had a rough year when she was 16 and lost her boyfriend to a gun accident. She went through her ups and downs and there was plenty of drama but we all still loved her for her sassy ways. The three of us have remained pretty tight. N has recently married and thinks she is the schnizz! K is my World Vision mate who has spent half of last year travelling around Thailand, Laos and VietNam by herself, she is a small blondey with the balls of an elephant. She gets out in the fields and plants the rice with the old arthritic ladies and hitch hikes on the back of scooters with fair dinkum monks. I love her to bits. She drinks like a fish and parties hard. N is like the polar opposite but still has her special place. But ..... this is the scenario that went down last week and I want some opinions as to what we all think of this behaviour:

N phoned K to see if she would like to have dinner with them on the Wednesday night as her and her husband and baby were staying in the husband's mothers 2 bdrm unit in town. They currently live in a tin shed with a bucket of sawdust for a toilet so this is luxury for them. K said she'd love to and would it be okay if she brought her boyfriend of 3 months so that they could finally meet him. N said "oh, if you really want to, there isn't very much room and C (her husband) has invited a mate as well". K, being K, thought fuck it, I'll take him, no dramas. Then the next night N txt K to say, C is going to invite his sister and husband as well so there is not enough room for you and your boyfriend so you will have to miss out.

Now I find this fucken rude. Who invites somebody over for dinner and then phones the night before to say they've invited somebody else the same night so you can't come anymore. The chic has lost the plot. She has turned into a doormat for her husband who is a pig! Blair is Maori, for any of you who didn't already figure that one out from the kids' beautiful colouring. N is not. Her husband is 1/38th or less but is always going on and on about it, they have both gone and learnt Te Reo and refer to everything in Maori. They even named their completely unMaori looking wee boy a Maori name and not a common one either! They are looking at putting him in a full immersion Maori school. They are doing nothing for his future at all. And she has the fucken gall to come around here and tell me that Sian doesn't look as Maori as her wee boy. Who fucken cares?? She tells me I am letting the house go if I have washing on the couch to fold and tut tutts because I have decided to feed Sian baby food at 4 months. This is my fourth kid, I think I know what the hell I am doing!! She knew about Phoebe's second birthday for ages and half an hour after it had started txt me to say that they couldn't come because they wanted to cut some firewood before C went away (two weeks later!!). This episode with K is about the final straw for me. Am I being over sensitive or is it just time to say "this friendship has died it's natural death and move on"? The sad thing is she thinks we are best friends still!! I can't stand her self obsessed bullshit and I can't believe she thinks she has the right to be so bloody judgemental to everyone.

Am I being a cow??

Fudge, Migraines and Stew

2007-04-29T15:48:00.000+12:00

Ridiculously I am in the midst of making chocolate fudge and savoury stew. Why?? Comfort food baby. It's cold and we love food in this house when we are cold. As we are heading into the gluten free stage of our lives I haven't done any baking all week and Blair is getting a bit of a rumble on for a sugar hit so . . . being the lovely fiance that I am, have decided to give fudge a crack. Have never made fudge. Have made fudge slice but never made good old fashioned plain chocolate fudge and I'm thinking it's not going to turn out. It's looking very runny and I think the fact I only had caster sugar and lite milk may not work in my favour. Oh well, will always be nice on top of ice cream if it doesn't work out.

Had a mellow weekend, when don't I?? I have decided that I love Country Calendar!! Sad as it may seem, I love hearing about what rural NZers are up to as I plan to be a rural NZer one day. I have dreamt of living on a farm since I was a wee tacker and lately, this programme is fuelling the desire even more. So, to all of you that have been out partying, you don't know what you have missed out on.

And migraines, who gets them?? I have never had one until Thursday and have had them four days in a row now. Starts with a little crescent shaped disco light in my left eye, progresses to the whole outside of the left eye and then I get a really bad headache. WTF?? Why??????????????????????

As for the stew, you buggers will be wishing you were at my house for this one, blade steak, left to bubble away for a couple of hours in curry powder, beef stock (the real stuff), all spice, mustard powder and ginger with a dash of tomato sauce and vinegar. It is going to melt on my tongue with mashed potatoes.

Snapdragon!!

2007-04-26T13:40:00.000+12:00

Stolen from Wanna

I am a
Snapdragon

What Flower
Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Hilarious, because this is me to a tee. If I am your friend baby, I will walk the earth for you but, there is a lot of mischief in me and we all know I am hilarious don't we?? I loved this little quiz. Let me know what sort of flower you turned out to be?? Go on.

Week 12 weigh in

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Twelve: 105.2kg
Loss/Gain: -200g
Lost so far: 1.2kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.2kg

So it's official, I am capable of losing 100g a week and will be at my ultimate goal weight by . . . . . January 2016. If we put off our wedding till I am at goal weight I will have been engaged for 14 years. Fuck that. I'm just going to have to get married in a marquee (and I don't mean for a venue !)

Where is the Humour??

2007-04-24T12:21:00.000+12:00

Okay, either you are all too dim witted to notice or I just think I am funny when I'm not. The last post heading "Does My FAT Look ARSE in This?" was a play on words and I had expected people to pick up on it. Either CKK was the only one that did or the rest of you just did not think it was as fucken hilarious as I thought it was. So much so, in fact, that I made Blair come and look at it and I just kept laughing and saying how fucken funny I was!! Maybe the look on his face should have been the indicator that only I was going to find it humourous. Oh well..... my blog after all.

Also, further to Jack of All Trades I have decided not to pursue my dream of being an auto mechanic! And this on the same day that I find out the frickin water pump has gone in the Subaru for the second time in just over two years. Obviously all my previous negative thoughts about what the hell was going to go wrong with the car next has worked it's magic and lo and behold, my thoughts have manifested into another major problem. I know have to focus on the good points of my car. It's a wagon, that's good, it has nice mags, and it took us on the best holiday of our family life. You're a great car Sooby!! Back to the auto mechanics. My wise father pointed out that gone are the days when you can take a motor to bits, recondition it and put it back together, no wucken forries. These days you need an IT degree as well and a shitload of specialist equipment. Trust Dad to quash my dreams. And a stupid mate pointed out that mechanics always have dirty hands. I was planning on learning it for when I needed it you twatt, not setting up a neighbourhood mechanics shop!!

So dressmaking and fashion design and horse breeding along with finishing Naturopathy - all still on the cards.

I can see my life before me:

In five years I will be living in this house:

training this calibre of horse:

who will be residing in these stables:

and sewing one off wedding dresses like this in my spare time:

So what will you be doing in five years??

Does My Fat Look Arse In This??

2007-04-22T11:42:00.000+12:00

How often have we asked the question, or a very similar one, of someone we love knowing that it doesn't matter what the reply is - we will still feel inadequate and hate ourselves?? (Sorry Kathryn - know you had a had a similar subject recently - not copying - promise!)

The thing is, and I have been contemplating this subject for a couple of days (and was hoping to have a spectacular back view photo of my arse to add - in jeans people, get your minds out of the gutter but had to settle with one off google images). Where was I? That's right back to my arse. The truth is we all know whether we look good in something or not. We all know that if your BMI isn't floating around the normal range then chances are certain outfits just ain't gonna cut it. Crop tops - nup! Bike pants - nup! Mini skirts - nup! Bikinis - double nup!! You get the picture. What never fails to send me into a flurry of dismay is those that don't have someone to say - mate, that just isn't your style.

Now, no offense to anyone is intended by this ramble and if you are overweight and go midriff bare and are happy then, big ups to you, but it aint for me. I tend to wear as much flattering stuff as I can and often think that there isn't enough flattering clothing out there for the bigger lass. And then the people that decide that as soon as you hit size 16 you want to wear floral t-shirts and straight polyester trousers - well they need a bullet. That is why I think I have so often been known to daydream about fabric and design because I know that I sure as hell could design some lovely clothing to flatter any figure big or small. It isn't rocket science but it is all about accentuating the positive and hiding the negative. (Trinny, Susannah and Jules, has a nice ring to it).

My favourite top is a crossover at the breast top that the material then scrunches up over the stomach (hiding the pudgy, I've dropped four sproglets tummy) and then flares out again a wee bit at the waist.

So I have a challenge, big or small, tell me what your body shape is and what your most flattering piece of clothing is. You know the one, it's the one that you always get good comments about when you wear it. Come on, don't be shy, share the secrets.

PS Weekly Weigh In Week 11 (I know it's late but after the proving I'm so happy and still losing post sort of had me a bit hesitant to post a gain!!)

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Eleven: 105.4kg
Loss/Gain: +1.2kg
Lost so far: 1.0kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.4kg

Anyway, after Paulene's challenge this is all going to be a sidebar update only. I am not going to be concentrating on the scale in such a big weigh (he he) but keeping a track of the figures once a week but not so worried about the goal weight or the loss or gain each week etc. I will just keep a track of what I started at and what I weigh each week so I know where I am at and where the IE thing is working.

Just To Prove I Was Happy .....

2007-04-18T22:43:00.000+12:00

This is me at around 80kg. I WAS happy man, check out the look on my face (okay it looks a bit "special needs" but look past the expression). I was secretly up to something that night, I was confident and I looked pretty damn hot. You may disagree but I don't give a turd as I thought I was, so that is what counts, is it not?? If I recall correctly I got completely off face this night and scared the bejesus out of a 17 year old pudgy boy in the dormitories by telling him the ins and outs of horse racing and threatening to bash him with a vacuum cleaner because he wouldn't stop following me around like a love sick puppy dog. He also had a mullet and not a cool one but an old school genuine mousy brown one. I was 22!!
Aaaaah the memories! So, in recognition of the happiness I am making this photo (which plenty of you have seen as my profile photo in other places) my new profile photo here. Every time you come here you can see me looking cheeky, full of attitude and ready for a bloody great time - which is exactly how life is gonna be from now on buddarooneys!!!

Warmth in My Core

2007-04-17T08:16:00.000+12:00

Crazy title I know but I am feeling really great at the moment. Either those meds have something illegal in them or life is just feeling good. I have an inner peace in myself and for the first time in years am actually feeling quite at peace with my lot. The only thing that bothers me continuously is the fact that both Blair and I are both still able to make babies! LOL! I really need one of us to be put out of action on that front to have the really beautiful inner peace feeling.

I feel calm and warm on the inside and I know yesterday's post was a bit OTT on the "what I am going to do" front but, let's keep it in perspective, I am talking about the next 5 years at least, not all to be completed this year.

I had an epiphany last night while reading No More Diets and at the top of her entry was the following phrase: “DIETS TURN NORMAL EATERS INTO PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF FOOD”. I felt the bolt of lightening come down and light up my brain. If we recall I was always a bit overweight - size NZ 16 or Aus 14 or who the hell knows English or American - from 18 to 24. I had been run over and stopped playing sport, discovered alcohol, loved it, over indulged in it on a regular basis and, while in first year of Bachelor of Veterinary Science, fell pregnant.

Then I had my eldest, dropped pregnancy weight immediately and was back to around 79 - 80kg, but I was happy, never worried much about my weight at all, then got pregnant the second time and my mother made a comment about me looking like someone in a weight watchers before photo in a women's magazine and that was it.

Joined weight watchers after I had 2nd bubs and was about 90kg when I started the neverending cycle of self loathing and guilt around food. I had previously not had an issue with food. I had an overindulgence issue, for sure, but never felt bad about my body, never had such a terrible self image of myself. I have been on the dieting yo yo for 6 and a half years now and, what works for others, doesn't work for me. I have always been able to read about people such as Zara (my soul mate of a buddy on the other side of the planet), Dietgirl, Emily, Mary,Kathryn and Chris H and think, these chics have it sussed on the losing weight front. They have overcome their emotional ties with it as well and are all brilliant at what they do.

But ... what works for them doesn't for me. As soon as I start limiting food or watching it at all, I start to have those, Oh well, have been bad better just be bad for the rest of the day, will be good tomorrow. I am constantly beating myself up and it has a huge detrimental effect on my mental health. This time, after the initial couple of weeks, I have just tried to focus on eating when I am hungry. Since I started that train of thought I have either lost or maintained. I am not eating as much in quantity and I am drinking more water. I am focusing on the person within instead of the overweight person that my appearance portrays me as. I am feeling great. I have been quoting off the Ultimate Health Keys and am soon to put Key no 4 but the most fun I am getting out of this book is Keys 6 - 12 which takes a good hard look at the inner you.

Jack of All Trades

2007-04-16T12:32:00.000+12:00

Now, I know I was supposed to be looking at my goals in life etc to try and move forward but last night I stumbled on the Stotts Correspondence College website and I have now decided that over the next few years, in addition to finishing my Naturopathy and studying a course in equine breeding and care through Telford Rural Polytechnic, that I am going to learn Automotive Mechanics and Dressmaking/Fashion Design and I am going to become a volunteer ambulance officer. I have the brains to do a lot of tertiary education but, with four kids I honestly don't have the time to become a veterinarian or a doctor (believe me, I've contemplated it) so I am going to do things that interest me or I think are going to help my finances. Have always had a passion for designing, esp dresses and thought I might spit out a few wedding or formal dresses if I get any good at it. As for the automotive side of things, I am sick to bloody death of paying bloody mechanics shitloads and not even knowing if things needed fixing in the first place or if they were just getting work out of the stupid woman. I have to finish the Naturopathy, I love helping people and the world needs more humourous ambulance officers like myself. Laughter is the best medicine after all. As for the horses, passion and desire to own, breed and enjoy them since I was three years old, by 40 it will be a reality.

Keep me busy anyway.

By the way, went for a half hour brisk walk with the kids this morning, two in pram and two walking behind me complaining of how fast I was walking!! You would think an 8 year old and a soon to be 7 year old would be fitter than their obese mother but looks like I was streaks ahead.

Detoxify the System

2007-04-12T15:42:00.000+12:00

Ultimate Health Key No 3:

Detoxify the System:

This was a big chapter full of little self tests where you had to score yourself and it would tell you what a toxic cesspit you were at the end. So, I am just going to add the summary:

Toxicity is an important cause of health problems such as low energy, weight gain, bad breath, poor skin and headache

The funciton of the liver is key to the elimination of potentially toxic substances

A liver-supoorting diet is one that includes easily digested food such as fruit, vegetables and grains, and is low in liver-taxing foods such as fatty foods, dairy products, processed foods, alcohol and caffeine

Certain nutrients and herbs such as milk thistle, choline, inositol, green tea extract and alpha lipoic acid can be very effective in improving liver funditon and reducing toxicity in the long term

Food sensitivity is an important and often undiagnosed cause of ill-health and reduced vitality

Food sensitivity is often related to porblems with poor digestion or leakiness in the digestive tract

Foodstuffs identified as a problem should be eliminated from the diet for one to two months, after which time they can often be reintroduced in small amounts withough causing a recurrence of the orignal symptoms

Acid and/or digestive enzyme supplements may be very useful for improing digestion and reducing a tendency to food sensitivity in time

Candida albicans overgrowth in the gut can lead to a wide range of health problems, including weight gain, irritable bowel syndrome, mood disturbance, fatigue and food cravings

Factors which encourage candida overgrowth include anitbiotic use, stress, homrmonal treatments and a diet containg foods that encourage yeast growth, including sugar, refind carbohydrates, bread and alcohol

The cornerstone of the anit-candida regime is a diet based on foods that do not encourage candida growth such as meat, fish, eggs and vegetables

Supplements that help restore healthy gut bacteria can be very useful in the management of candida

Other supplements useful in managing candida are those that support the liver and help to stabilize the blood sugar level

Natural anti-fungal supplements and those that help heal the lining of the gut may also be of benefit

Overcoming issues with internal toxicity can often bring about a profound improvement in both physical and mental well-being

Makes sense people. How can your body efficiently process the food if it is always busy dealing with other issues??

Week 10 Weigh In

2007-04-12T08:16:00.000+12:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Ten: 104.2kg
Loss/Gain: 800g
Lost so far: 2.2kg
Kgs to Goal: 44.2kg

800g loss. Whoot de whoot! How I managed this I am not too sure but, hey - I'll take it!! More water I think and breathing better!! He he he.

Only 1.6kg to get to virgin territory. If only we could do that literally!!

Now, I have been steered towards a fantastic little internet tool by the fabulous Jadey and it has cut down on my blog time by an amazing amount. It is called Bloglines, and you probably all know about it already. It is brilliant. You sign up, add all your regular reads and then, when you sign in, it lets you know who has updated. It means that you don't spend all that time going to each and every blog just to find that they haven't added anything. I'm loving it. Spent stuff all time online last night but still caught up on everyone. It does have a glitch, won't tell you if the private blogs have updated or maybe I just haven't figured that one out.

Later today I am adding Ultimate Health Key No 3, watch and wait people.

Easter - Over and Out

2007-04-10T08:23:00.001+12:00

I battled through Easter with a multitude of lapses in judgement and made my way through a fair bit of junk. Usually Easter not such an issue but the fact that we kicked it off on Good Friday with Phoebe's birthday party was the clincher. I have a terrible knack of being able to eat all the leftovers without even noticing. And of course, there were chocolate crackles galore and I love those coconut oil filled barstards!!

Anyway, we won't dwell on Easter. Phoebe had a lovely birthday party, highlighted by the absolutely wicked cake!! It was a great hit and I will upload a photo when I can. I took one on my phone and sent it to my email, but since I have changed to TelstraClear, I don't get my vodafone pxts!! So, have to wait for Dad to give me some photos on disc of the party.

On the Saturday night Phoebe woke at about 9.30pm and was grizzly and I rubbed her back and she had a raised rash. I got her up and examined her body and she was literally covered in a pimply rash. Rang the local doctor's surgery and got diverted through to an afterhours line where the have the on call dr's details etc, all run by nurses who talk you through it all. Was stoked that I didn't have to travel into Christchurch to the After hours. Back to the story.... she said that things sounded alright and to monitor her through the night and make an appt in the morning at the on call dr. So I did this (consisting of hourly checks, exhausted Sunday!) and she was fine. So I took her to the doc and showed him the rash and explained that for the last couple of weeks she has had a really sore tummy intermittently and that she then has bulky offensive smelling No 2's. He took one look at the rash and said it wasn't measles, wasn't meningitis, wasn't hand foot and mouth but he had a strong suspicion that it was a coeliac rash. WTF!!! So this morning I have to take Phoebe off to have blood tests to test for gluten allergy. Not looking forward to it.

When looking up the whole deal online I found a lot of symptoms that actually described Blair!! There is a gluten specialist here in Christchurch called Rodney Ford and he has written a number of books including one called "Sick, Tired and Grumpy. I told Blair that he is just that!!

The change in our house will be huge if it is what she has as the whole house will become gluten free. If she has it then the other kids have a huge likelihood of having it, or at least gluten sensitivity. Here's hoping it's not but if it is, I will embrace it and see it as a positive thing in our lives to go gluten free.

Week 9 Weigh In

2007-04-05T11:16:00.000+12:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Nine: 105.0 kg
Loss/Gain: 200g
Lost so far: 1.4kg
Kgs to Goal: 45kg

Weight Loss Legend Extraordinaire Loses 1.4kg in Nine Weeks!! You can just see the heading in the Women's Weekly with a picture of my grinning in a bikini, can't ya??

I suppose it is at least coming down slowly but surely. I have 2.4kg to go to reach virgin fat.

I have Phoebe's 2nd birthday tomorrow. The little tike has been driving me up the wall so have offloaded her to Mum and Dad for the day and am supposed to be sorting the house out for tomorrow's "party" and doing the "moo moo" cake (see example below) and making the chocolate crackles, etc etc.

I need to go shopping for bits and bobs, her birthday present, (still don't bloody know what I am getting, she's got enough toys to sink the Titanic), get Ben's rugby socks and rugby shorts (bloody Under 8's have a game on Easter Saturday) and a plethora of other tasks. Need to clean the fridge, can't have visitors here and see the science experiments I have going on in there! Funny thing, I have been a bit of a lazy tart since being diagnosed with the depression again. Keep thinking I can use the fragile state of my mental health to sit around on my gluteus maximus and read blogs all day instead of doing my housework. I need to dye my hair, bought a hairdye over a month ago and haven't used it yet. Hair hasn't been cut, let alone trimmed since end of July last year and last time I dyed it was Xmas Day!! Blair told me the other day that my greys were sexy and made me look like a "witchy" sort of hippy chic. Whatever!! Got to admire the effort he puts into trying to compliment me. He told me I was a truly beautiful woman the other day. That is bloody hard to take.

Righti-ho-bags:

Ultimate Health Key No 2:

Give Your Body Water

Body is approx 70% water so it figures that we need it to be operating at optimum potential.

Even mild dehydration (the state most of us walk around in each day) can cause problems with an array of symptoms such as headache, fatigue, loss of appetite, heat intolerance, light headedness and dry mouth and eyes. Low fluid intake increases you chance of getting cancer. One study found that women consuming five or more glasses of water per day had about half the risk of developing cancer of the colon compared with women consuming two or fewer glases of water a day.
For average day to day needs, we should all aim to consume about 30mls of water for each kg of body weight (or 2.2pds). A 70kg adult should drink 2.1 litres (2100mls) a day and a 100kg adult would need 3 litres a day as a minimum.

The key to drinking water each day to required amounts, is to keep it around. Have a bottle in the car, your handbag, on the bench, on the coffee table. You are more likely to drink it if you can see it.

Your Blogs

2007-04-04T12:18:00.000+12:00

Okay, I need to stop spending the whole flipping day pissing around looking at your blogs!! I have no idea how many I have in my Favourites now but every time I go somewhere I end up linking somewhere else and adding more bloody people to the list. When will it all end??

I love reading for inspiration but when it counteracts the good with all the arse-stuck-to-chair, then I really need to re-evaluate.

The other problem is I hardly bother about my own blog because I'm too busy reading. AAAAARGH!!

On the upside, Ultimate Health.

Key number 1:

Give Your Body Oxygen

The crux of this key is the fact that the majority of us don't breathe properly. Oxygen is an essential ingredient in the reactions which convert your food into energy.
If you are not breathing properly this can lead to problems with low energy and reduced vitality
Can also impair function of the body's cells.
Good breathing habits can be an effective way to enhance health and vitality and may also be beneficial in harmonizing body and mind.

Learning to belly breath is the first step to better breathing habits. Try it:

Breathe gently in and out through your nose. Breathe out all the air from your lungs, pause briefly, and begin to breathe in again. Concentrate on taking long, smooth, unhurried breaths.
As you breath in push your belly out, this will ensure you are filling th ewhole of your lungs with air. When your lungs feel full (not too full!!), pause breifly again, and then breathe out through your nose. Repeat this cycle always making sure that you belly is moving in and out as you breathe.

I bet you feel better already, I did!!

Ultimate Health

2007-04-02T13:15:00.000+12:00

I have had a book for ages and ages and not really read it. On Saturday morning I decided to stop just using the back section as a reference and to actually read it. The book is called Ultimate Health, Twelve Keys to Abundant Health and Happiness. It is written by Dr John Briffa, a UK doctor who gave up conventional medicine to practise in complementary medicine, incorporating mind, body and spirit. It is great.
The twelve keys are:
1. Give Your Body Oxygen
2. Give Your Body Water
3. Detoxify the System
4. Balance Your Blood Sugar
5. Maintain Thyroid Function
6. Take Exercise
7. Honour Yourself
8. Trust Your Intuition
9. Live in the Moment
10. See Life as a Mirror
11. See the Positive in Everything
12. Be Love

Over the next couple of weeks I will expand on each key and let you know how I am going to apply the principles to my life and health.

On the goals front, Sue has inspired me to put a Brazilian in the mix and I think once I hit the 80's I will take the big step and get one. Scary.

I just did a whole over view of my goals and rewards and Phoebe came up and pressed a button on the keyboard and wiped it all!! Will post again later.

Who Am I - the honest truth

2007-03-30T09:56:00.000+12:00

I have been meaning to have goals for ages now. Not just with weight loss but with life.

I was quite bright at school, easily passed exams and was in the top streamed classes from Form 5 to 7, (Year 11 -13 Aussie and no idea American??). At the same time, as soon as I was put up a class I started to rebel. I didn't want to be seen as one of the "geeks" so I got myself in the shit in all possible ways. I was a bitch of a teenager, aren't we all? I always had an overwhelming sense that I disappointed my parents as I was the one with all the good grades yet I didn't get off my butt and do anything with it. I left school halfway through my last year and got a job in an office. I had a boyfriend at the start of that year who wasn't working or at school and I really wanted to be independent from school life so I could do what I wanted with him without my parents throwing school in my face. The things we do!! So I left and then went flatting and, of course, the boyfriend pissed off and I found out I had miscarried at 5 weeks pregnant after we had broken up. I was 17. I was in a bad headspace.

59kg

I was drunk one night and walked out in front of a car that was travelling 70km/hr. It was a VW so that was the life saving factor. The bumper bar was low so it hit my calves and my knees bent backwards and I went over the bonnet and through the windscreen. I have a windshield wiper scar on my right shoulder blade. I was in hospital for the weekend and then I had to move back home as I couldn't shower etc. After recovery I decided to go to university. I enrolled but then had a fall out with my father just before I was due to start so I pulled out. I was going to do a BSc majoring in Zoology. I went and worked at a car yard as the office chic and then had my ACL surgery on my left knee. I lost the job at the car yard due to not taking the sexual advances of the accountant. Decided to cut my losses and went and got another job at a manufacturing plant in the office. Then, in 1995, I moved to Dunedin and did my Veterinary nursing. I lived in a haunted old villa (a whole other story!!) and spent a lot of my spare time with my aunty who trained race horses.

75kg

I moved back to Christchurch after the course and looked for work but their was none out there in the nursing of animals field. So I checkout chicked it for a couple of months and then decided to go to university again and signed up at Canterbury for a BA. I left after a couple of lectures. Too busy partying. Got a job at a property management firm and was there for a year, lucky I lasted that long the amount of times I came in hungover and late!! I then moved out of the the flat I was living in with a bunch of gib plastering pissheads, moved home and went nurse aiding while I decided what I wanted to do with myself - again. Applied to Massey for Bachelor of Veterinary Science, had always wanted to be a vet, had the brains, why not??

86kg

Got pregnant during Orientation on a one night stand with someone who I never saw again. Got involved with the sort of guy that I would never usually look twice at. Met him through the flat I was living in. Spent three months travelling from Palmerston North to Greymouth with him and then realised that I was being used and rung Dad to come pick me up. 7 months pregnant and Dad helped me move into my own little house. It was scary but cool at the same time. Loved having my own space. Had my daughter in November, had just turned 23 and was quite happy.

80kg

Peta was 4 months old when I hooked up with Blair, one of my best friends. He moved in nearly straight away and that was 8 years ago. I fell in love instantly and our relationship was very passionate yet volatile for the first year. I found out I was pregnant with Ben and Blair got some counselling for insecurities and we stuck things out. Ben was born June 2000.

98kg

Joined Weight Watchers for the first time with two mates. Lost over 2kg in the first week and loved it. Quickly lost 7kg (around 15pd)and was feeling great. Was nurse aiding at night in a dementia unit. Bloody tiring. Peta turned 2 late November and I went off the WW and by Feb was over 100kg when bridesmaid at my sisters wedding. Went on to work at for another property management company, loved the job and the people, got made redundant, my aunty (horsey one) got diagnosed with back cancer. I cut my hair off extremely short and went back to nurse aiding in dementia unit. Had major depression after my aunty died. Lost the plot. Went on meds, left job and worked in public health system in admin. Joined weight watchers another three times in this period. Got pregnant with Phoebe. Had blood pressure issues and left my job. Phoebe born April 2005.

109.8kg

Highest recorded weight. Joined weight watchers again. Had a great leader. Stay at home mum. Lost 7.2kg. Went back to work fulltime. Got pregnant with Sian while IUD in. Left work at 27 weeks pregnant due to bp again. Had Sian November 2006.

106.4kg

Here we are. I need some goals. As you can see my life has been erratic and all over the place. I need some stability other than family. I need interests for me and I need a bit of routine.

Week 8 Weigh In

2007-03-30T09:48:00.001+12:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Eight: 105.2 kg
Loss/Gain: Nil
Lost so far: 1.2kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.2kg

I forgot to weigh myself until lunch time. I usually weigh just after I have gotten up as I have such a fluid retention problem. So, no excuses, still the same, didn't lose, didn't gain. Have monthly visitor so am hoping that this will result in loss next week. As for that challenge I have myself to get to virgin fat by end of March, not gonna happen. As I don't weigh in again till the 5th of April we can safely say that I was 2.6kg off the mark. You never know, maybe I should weigh myself on Sunday morning and just see if I was any closer?? Might just do that.

The Sickness

2007-03-26T22:49:00.000+12:00

Our house is full of sickness at the moment. All the kids bar Peta have the horrible cough/snotty nose/cold that has been going around and I have had it over the weekend and am still not over it. Usually I have a great stash of my natural remedies around the house but I have got to the bottom of the barrel on just about everything and I am broke to boot!! So, have had to make do with a couple of cell salts and Phoebe's natural croup tincture.

White tail spiders have invaded my house and I have had two big mothers in the last two days!! I am afraid of spiders at the best of times but white tails just make me want to shake and cry. Not good for the anxiety disorder as I find myself constantly checking the ceilings and walls and floor for the wankers!!

Thanks for the nice comments on the poem, I thought I had better mention that I didn't write it - it was the words on a card that a beautiful lass on the other side of the planet sent me when she found out I was in the pits of despair.

Says it All

2007-03-24T10:28:00.000+12:00

You know who you are and I love you for this beautiful card that had me crying like Olly Onion.

I'll bet you've had about enough
of people telling you how strong you are
and how great you're doing
during this awful, difficult
period in your life.

Maybe you'd rather hear someone say
how much this sucks, how outrageous
and unfair it is.

Maybe you'd rather hear someone tell you
that you don't have to be strong
all the time.

Or that it's definitely okay
to curse fate and throw a tantrum or two.

So here I am to tell you
all that stuff and more,
to let you know where I stand,
which is right in your corner.

There's no right way or wrong way
at a time like this.

However you work through this thing
is immaterial to me.

All I care about is that
you ask for what you need,
lean on those who love you,
and trust me when I say
that you'll come out the other side.

Health Nuts

2007-03-24T10:02:00.000+12:00

The fabulous Mary has created Health Nuts, a forum for all like minded souls to natter and talk about all sorts of things from recipes to sports undies. Check it out, I'm sure you'll be as hooked as I am!!

Week 7 Weigh In

2007-03-22T15:57:00.001+12:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Seven: 105.2 kg
Loss/Gain: 800g loss
Lost so far: 1.2kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.2kg

Funny isn't it?? You forget about your weight worries to deal with other issues and, due to budget restrictions and the addition of $20 a pop baby formula, you have an old style weekly menu consisting of old cheapie favourites like macaroni cheese, mince and mashed potatoes, curried sausages, fish pie, and bacon and egg pie and you go and lose weight!! Go figure??

Weigh In Week 6

2007-03-16T13:03:00.000+13:00

Well I forgot to post Week Five last week so here goes for the fifth week:

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Five: 106.2 kg
Loss/Gain: 200g loss
Lost so far: 200g
Kgs to Goal:46.2kg

and now Week Six:

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Six: 106.0 kg
Loss/Gain: 200g loss
Lost so far: 400g
Kgs to Goal:46.0 kg

400g lost in six weeks. Well Dr Oz did say slowly but surely did he not?? At this rate I'll be 40 by goal!! He he he.

Thanks for the weaning tips ladies, although the marmite one just sounds mean Chris!! Glad you're not my Mum LOL LOL LOL!! Sian has now had three bottles since lunch time yesterday and my breasts feel like they are going to explode. I did give her a little feed last night as she went off to sleep and her morning one. I am going to keep giving the morning feed for a week to try and cut the milk down a fraction before I dry out completely. (And we all secretly know that I just want to have those extra feeds with my bubba).

I can see clearly now the rain has gone ....

2007-03-14T22:30:00.000+13:00

I am back!

I feel really good, have been on citalopram now for a week and I have noticed that my happiness has returned. My sense of humour has returned and my love of life has returned. The suicidal thoughts have gone and life is feeling great. Amazing how quickly it has worked. I don't recall it working so quickly the first time I was put on it four years ago. The biggest thing I have noticed is my own self image. It has improved heaps in a week. What I see in the mirror is different than a week ago and I feel attractive even!! Other than when I had the legs in stirrups at the gynae yesterday when he checked out the pelvic floor muscles, or lack thereof!! I have to go for bladder tests to make sure I have an okay bladder and then will go on the public health waiting list to have a pelvic floor repair and, if they are able to do bladder, they will zip in and tie tubes at the same time!! That would be a blessing in disguise.

I am having a shit of a time trying to wean Sian off the breast and onto the bottle. I have been told that the effects of the citalopram is not really well researched in breastfeeding and that the blood pressure meds that I am on need to be changed so I have no options left for breastfeeding. Sian has had four months of solely breast milk but I still feel quite guilty and the wee darling is performing a treat when we try and give her the bottle. My doctor has told me that I need to do it though to get myself back and that is more important for Sian than the benefits of the breast. Any tips on getting the bub to take the bottle??

I am really thankful for all you guys support and the fact that a few of you lurkers have come out of the woodwork and emailed me or posted a comment is really nice. Makes me sort of feel like I have guardian angels around at all times. This is really the most supportive group of people and it blows me away.

I am back!!

The only way is up . . . .

2007-03-06T22:26:00.000+13:00

I am humbled by the kind words from each and every one of you. Often I feel that I am yacking away to myself on this blog with my odd regulars chiming in every day or two but I have been proven wrong. This level of support just re-iterates to me the importance of this blog to my everyday wellbeing. The fact that each and every one of you has taken the time to let me know that you care is fantastic for me.

My doctor phoned me early Monday morning when he got to work and found my message at the front desk, where the nurse had left it when she had taken the message on Friday night. He apologised profusely for his untimely response and acted immediately to ensure I was safe. I saw him that morning in Christchurch and then saw Psych Emergency Services at 5pm, where I was assessed by a psych nurse. I saw a psychiatrist today and have been put back on citalopram, which is the anti depressant I was on four years ago when I had my first documented case of depression. I have been off it since the day I found out I was pregnant with Phoebe nearly three years ago. I have had times of feeling down and unable to cope over these three years but I let it all get the better of me and my desire to maintain the facade of coping overshadowed my desire to be looked after like I desperately needed to be.

Mum has stepped in and taken the three older children to their place for the week and I am spending all my spare time until things improve (until the meds do their job) going out there while Blair is at work, to do hard labour on their lifestyle block. My first day out there is tomorrow and apparently I am driving a big truck while dad is operating the digger. Nothing like some hard work to clear the head.

If this has shown me anything it is not to delay when things are getting on top of me. That extra week can be what sends you over the edge and I am very afraid when I think how close I came to taking my own life and how easily I contemplated taking the kids with me to save them from a lifetime of painful memories.

One thing I know for sure is that I have a shit load of soul searching to do. I need something for me in my life. My kids are mine and Blair is mine but it is very important for me to find something of meaning that is mine and mine alone. I also have a lot of head shit to work through. I have had this disease from my mid teens, or so the psychiatrist thinks the behaviour patterns seem to indicate. I have a lot of "issues" that I have buried and they need to be dealt with.

So my journey of self discovery and self betterment (is that a word?) begins. Stick around as I'm going to need an ear (or 20!) to get me through this.

Love to you all.

Brutally Honest

2007-03-03T22:02:00.000+13:00

I have spent the last couple of days struggling with the urge to end it all. Not blogging, not dieting, although by ending it all these two things would die a natural death. I have slipped into the pits of depression and I suppose it explains a wee bit my pathetic attempt at rekindling the dieting fire. I thought it was a bad premenstrual hormonal thing but then that has been and gone and things have only gotten worse. I started to feel a bit tense in the neck and shoulders but I ignored it. I started to over react to everything but I ignored it. I started to really relate to the John Kirwan depression adverts on TV but I ignored it. I started to yell and yell and yell at the kids every morning but I ignored it. I ignored it all until I watched Oprah on Friday afternoon in a moment of lethargic self pity and it hit home. The episode was on three people who had attempted suicide but failed. The first was a mother of two with post natal depression who had been giving her family and friends warning signs for a while but no one quite knew the extent. And her mother, being of the breed that just gets on with it, had told her to basically harden up. She grabbed her car keys and ran out of the house. The mother phoned the husband and he alerted the police and said that he thought she was heading for the local bridge (as she had mentioned jumping off it before). A cop car was in the area and headed for the bridge where he found the woman driving too fast. She then pulled over, got out of the car, turned and stared blankly at the cop and headed for the side of the bridge and jumped. He got there just in time and grabbed her arm. You then see graphic footage of this poor bitch fighting with the cop to try and end it all. Then two more cops arrive and they manage to get her over. I started to howl and I couldn't stop. Phoebe got up from her sleep and I was still crying and she said "It's alright Mummy" and I thought I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending that I am this martyr and that everything is great. I have had my blaring warning signs since before I had Sian. I went to the doc then but then I thought the options are not easy if I ended up needing help so I masked the problem and showed a solid front. But, my blogging friends, it is not all happy and rosey. I love my children and I love my fiance but I am struggling every single day at the moment not to find some way of ending it all. I am struggling with my thoughts and I feel like they are going to consume me at some point. Believe me this is bloody hard to post but I need to because I just can't keep up the front. Mum and Blair both asked me today what has triggered this but they both don't seem to understand that there is nothing that triggers it. My chemicals in my body are unbalanced and it is distorting my thinking. I even phoned my doc last night at 5.26pm to ask for a referral to mothers and babies because I was worried about how disturbing my thought patterns were getting. He didn't call back, he was on his last patient for the day and probably thought he would deal with it on Monday, not realising that I was sitting at home struggling with the thought of not being here for my kids but also struggling with the thought of dealing with this head fuck for one minute longer. Things aren't better today but people know now. Blair knows and my mother knows and one of my best mates knows (thanx Jen!) and I it helps to know that people are aware.

It is a cruel disease depression and I urge any of you that know someone with it and don't know much about it - reach out because it sucks to be feeling like this and feel like you are all alone.

Week Four Weigh In

2007-03-01T15:50:00.000+13:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Four: 106.4 kg
Loss/Gain: 200g loss
Lost so far: Nothing!!
Kgs to Goal:46.4kg

Nothing ventured, nothing lost!!

Chris puts it so well in her comment when she gives me a good boot up the arse with her stern, but always fair words. I know exactly why I am still the same weight I was four weeks ago. I haven't had a plan, I have jumped from this to that, all the while knowing that if I don't commit to anything hard out then I don't have to commit to anything at all. But I have stuck strictly to points today and am going to do it without fail every day of the next week. Then we'll see what actually sticking to something can do for weight loss!!

Week Three Weigh In

2007-02-28T11:37:00.000+13:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Three: 106.6 kg
Loss/Gain: 200g gain
Lost so far: 200g Gained!!
Kgs to Goal:46.6kg

Okay, so Week Four weigh in is tomorrow and I am only just posting week three. Slackarooney tooney!! As I had expected after the weekend of alcohol etc I had a 200g gain. TOM arrived and I wasn't too fussed either way. Next weigh in is tomorrow which is also the 1st of March. Considering I started on the 1st of February it will be ridiculously embarrassing if I still register a gain over start weight after a month on the plan.

I need a week free of blue cheese, chocolate, biscuits, chorizo or cheese cransky sausages!! I gave No Count a good shot for this week but I don't know how suitable it is going to be with my breastfeeding. I found that one little salad with avocado had stripped me of my extra points for the day and that just won't work for me. What I am finding has become a common theme is that I binge out, get frustrated, set an unrealistically strict eating plan and then fail. So plan for March:

Back to points
Back to reality
Back to the here and now

I also need goals.

One of them may be to sort out this flippin blog. My punk themed blog was a disaster. Then I went on the new blogger and set myself up with easy templates and I like the basic look but can't figure out how to enter html where I want it. Can't even hook up the blogroll.

My first goal is to reach virgin fat (a term a lot of you other chubbies tend to use) by end of March. Lowest I have been in five years is 102.6kg and that was recorded not long before getting pregnant with Sian. So that is about a year ago. So I have 31 days to lose 4kg, which is very achievable.

Lard Arse Loser

2007-02-21T11:49:00.000+13:00

Have you heard about the lard arse loser?
She's a loser but she'll still keep on trying!!

(Think Little River Band!!)

The copious amounts of alcohol over the weekend have made me feel like shit for absolutely days after. My head is fuzzy and I have been eating utter crap. I mean I had chocolate cream sponge for breakfast with a couple of chocolate chip cookies! Nutritious - I think not!!

But, I had a wee feeling of "sort your shit out" early this morning. Phoebe had hopped into our bed (around 6am) and I was feeding Sian and she reached out for me but couldn't find me and she gave a little lost "Mummy??" and my mind leapt to the image of her calling out for Mummy but me not being here because I was too selfish and weak willed to stop eating like a garbage disposal. A couple of weeks ago I mentioned doing No Count so from tomorrow on I am doing it. I figure I can probably have a couple of more points a week as I am fully breastfeeding a 3 month old. Anyone been advised on No Count rules for breastfeeding?? I figure I could probably have 25 pts a week instead of 21?? And I am making my own rule that Feta is allowed as a no count item. It's MY rule so don't go challenging it bee-atches!!

Check Steph for the best way to quickly get over the start of a binge. Fucken hilarious!!

You may have noticed that the punk girl at the top of my blog has disappeared. Something in the linkup to the image is stuffed so I am on the hunt for a new blog template. I am wondering if things aren't working as well due to the change to the new blogger?? Anyone else had probs with Caz's templates due to the changeover??

Survived

2007-02-19T13:03:00.000+13:00

Well, I ended up having a blast on both nights. Friday we had my whole family over for my brother and his girlfriend's leaving drinks. Was a great night and my sister and her husband and two kids and brother and his girlfriend all stayed (which was a crammed affair in our little 3 bdrm house. Were up dancing and having a ball until 3.30am. Then had to be up and organised to get to the airport and say goodbye. We then headed home for a bit of a catnap and then dropped kids off at my parents house and then headed back into Christchurch for the BBQ, although we got there at around 9pm and the BBQ started at 3pm!! I just wouldn't have coped if we hadn't of had that sleep. Had another 3.30am'er and I struggled through yesterday with the kids while Blair slept the day away. He was severely hungover while I was just knackered. Socially everything was sweet and I had a really good time.

Eating and drinking has been excessive and I am sure that I weigh at least 3kg heavier just from the weekend. We'll see if I can pull it together and at least maintain by Thursday.

Too Much Information......

2007-02-16T11:06:00.000+13:00

As the title reads, this is going to be too much information for a lot of you so deal with it or don't read on from this point ...

I am in a hell of a state at the moment. My "bits" are all heading south. My rectum has prolapsed into my va-jay-jay and I think my bladder is doing the same. When I pass bowel movements they get stuck as the wall has fallen into my other cavity and therefore, gravity is not having the desired effect. This has affected my sex life, which consists of condoms as Blair has not yet had the bloody snip, condoms which I seem to be ALLERGIC too.

I don't have medical insurance because I got rid of it a year and a half ago when I missed 3 payments and they wanted me to have a medical report done to reinstate it. I flagged it as the liver problems, high blood pressure and enlarged spleen were going to make our premiums massive. I figured I had spent nearly 9K on my previous three years medical/life insurance and had one $150 claim for a specialist visit and that I would go it alone.

Now I am looking at a long wait on the public list or forking out $3.5K in private fees and this doesn't include any hospital stay. And my worry is that my sex life will be stuffed from this point on.

Do you know anyone who has had a full pelvic floor repair?? If so, how was it afterwards?? HELP ME.

On the other side of the coin we have my mental health which appears to be in overdrive. I have a BBQ to go to tomorrow night where a whole group of old mates will be there drinking. I have Mum looking after the three girls and Ben is off to Kaikoura with Blair's Mum. This is my chance, I haven't been out for a drink in a year. Last time I did we got pregnant. But, some old friends that I had a fall out with 5 years ago are going to be there and this fact has sent me into a spin. I spent 2 hours yesterday trying on different casual clothes. I look fucken gross at the moment, am in desparate need of a cut and colour and my brain is screaming at me to find some reason not to go. But I really have to. Two of our mates from the States are over and they are only stopping for one night in Christchurch and we haven't seen them since their wedding two years ago!!! The thing is, I get like this every time I go out and it all has to do with my social anxiety. I am over tired already and it is not helping matters. Have not been to bed earlier than midnight all week. And tonight my youngest brother and his girlfriend are having their family going away dinner at our place and they are staying here along with my sister, her husband and two kids and my other brother. No chance of an early night there. Then tomorrow we have to see my youngest brother off at the airport in early afternoon and then are supposed to be off to the BBQ. Then an old school friend of Peta's is having her birthday party right at the same time that Tom leaves and I have told Peta that she is just going to have to miss out this time as we have already made other commitments and she is shitty with me. I need sleep and I need a makeover and some self confidence and a fucken large bottle of rum please!!

Week Two Weigh In

2007-02-16T11:00:00.000+13:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Last Wk Weight: 106.0kg
Current Weight: 106.4 kg
Loss/Gain: 400g gain
Kgs to Goal:46.4kg

The figures say it all!! I am in PMT week, which always means fluid retention but still!! All I can say is shut the fuck up and quit whining about not being slim if you are going to go and eat shitloads of M & M's.

15 Coathangers for 15 Bucks

2007-02-12T10:26:00.000+13:00

What is Blair thinking??

He was off to the Warehouse the other day with a friend and I said to him "We really need coathangers so grab some". He arrived home with three sets of 5 at the ridiculously over the top price of $5 a set, a total of $15!! Coathangers are a great invention but definitely not worth a dollar each!!! This is where men and women differ, most of us women would look at the price and flag it but not a bloke!!

My feet are hideous aren't they? Definitely know it's fluid retention, along with a good lashing of obesity but I am great at giving health advice to others but taking it myself? Not my strong point.

Here's my girl Sian for all those who want more:

And trying to talk to Mummy:

What the Fuck Happened to Me?

2007-02-09T22:04:00.000+13:00

Was sitting on the couch this evening and my feet were aching after a full on day of housework. Nothing like incidental exercise!! So I was looking at my feet and legs and thinking what the fuck happened to me?? Seriously, I used to have really toned athletic legs and now they look hideous.

This is me at 18 with stunning legs:

This is my right lower leg as of this evening, looks like a few illegal immigrants are hiding out inside my limbs:

Week One Weigh in

2007-02-08T07:54:00.000+13:00

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week One: 106.0 kg
Loss/Gain: 400g loss
Kgs to Goal:46kg

Mother of the Year - NOT!!

2007-02-07T13:27:00.000+13:00

I suck arse as a mother at the moment. I am too flippin self obsessed. I pissed around over the weekend and then bought kids stationery on Monday. Went out all yesterday and when got home at 8pm last night thought, shit - haven't covered the kids books in Duraseal. Fuck it! They can just take their books as is and I will get them to bring the books home at the weekend to cover them. How nice is that? Kids starting new school and selfish mother doesn't even cover books in trendy, hideously over priced Duraseal. Then again, between them I had 22 books to cover and I would have been still up at 2am in the morning.

Things aren't good on the eating front. They were fantastic until Blair was home for the long weekend. He is so bad for me in the weightloss department. He makes me angry and I, in retaliation, eat shit. Well of course, that is not meant literally as I don't react by eating faeces, but I do eat heaps of crappy food like M & M's.

I have decided to eat by the WW No Count plan. I have all the info in a booklet out in the garage so will get on and study up and go from there next week. I like the idea of being free to eat good stuff and only counting the points of the badder things.

Check out My Lunch

2007-02-05T17:36:00.000+13:00

Just a quickie as unplanned child number four has just woken crying. This is what I have had for lunch for 3 out of the last 4 days. Yummo. . . .

Tuna with garlic and olive oil on potato with baby rocket, baby spinach, tomato, and feta.

I will check out how many points it is at the end of the week.

But this is about more than that . . . . .

2007-02-03T00:02:00.000+13:00

I had decided that this just wasn't a woe is me bloody blog about me being a fat arse and trying to do something about it, hence the change to the punky out-there chic with tatts and dreads and the new name. It's all about me, inside and out. That being said, I thought I would post a bit of random stuff since I have concentrated on the weight loss thing for quite a few posts now. Of course, weighty issues will be in here, as that is a large, excuse the pun, part of my daily thoughts.

For those of you who don't know my details, here's a bit about me:

I am a 31 year old Kiwi (slang for New Zealander) who has a really bad attitude to the majority of things. I used to be a really happy go lucky chic, or so I told myself, and then I got run over by a gay man in a VW while intoxicated at 18 years old and everything went haywire. I packed on weight and didn't really think about it at all until I had my second child and my mother pointed out that I was rather overweight. That was just over 6 years ago and I have obsessed about it, and copious amounts of other mental and physical health issues, ever since.

When I look back now I can see the forest despite the trees and realise that I never really was happy go-lucky, I just drank copious amounts in every possible social situation to make sure I was the loud fun person. The guys loved me, I was one of their mates and could drink most of them under the table, and at the end of the night, if they couldn't score, one would usually try it on and, dependent on state of intoxication, they would sometimes get lucky. This is something I am not proud of but realise that it was a desperate attempt to replace the lack of companionship in my life. I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts from as early as 16 years old. Often made pathetic attempts eg. "slashing" my wrists with the little pointy part of a watch strap buckle at 17 years old, what the fuck?? I mean really, there is no way that was ever going to work. Most times it is an overeaction to something emotional that I couldn't control. So, it was logical that I would start using food as my crutch once I ditched the alcohol abuse due to arrival of offspring.

I was always the fat sister. My nickname was Julubous and my darling sister (we are very close now but she did go through a long stage of being a complete bitch) made up a song called "Blubber Bum" that she and younger brother used to sing. I was only 59kg at the time and stood 165cm tall, as I do now. So technically, I was perfect weight for my age but I had what would later be coined as a J-Lo arse!

I am the eldest of four children. I am highly opinionated. I am highly emotional and I am a clinically diagnosed control freak with social phobias and a sprinkling of depression, which is controlled for the majority of the time by sheer lack of minutes in the day to think about it. I love music of all sorts. I have a love of natural medicine and preventative health care (fucken ironic considering I am obese, a self-imposed health problem!).

I love people being straight up with me. I hate procrastinating but I indulge on a daily basis. I am extremely hard on myself. I am selfish and grumpy.

I would love to design clothing and I would love to be able to design and sew my own wedding dress. I love horses and good food (I know, that one's a given!). I love my family and I adore my fiance, even though I have a highly volatile attraction to him and sometimes could literally knock his teeth out.

I love a good rum and coke and am known to sing "The Gambler", every bloody word of it, from start to finish on every possible occassion.

I can't stand cruelty in any form. I can't stand the fact that a person can come into your own home, rape your wife and threaten your children's lives, yet if you set your dog on them, you can be done for assault. That is just plain wrong. I hate the fact that my kids don't play in the streets with my neighbours kids.

I love tulips.

I hate materialism yet I also hate my old lounge suite, it sucks!!

I hate long bloody blog posts about abso-fucken-lutely nothing.

Day One - DONE!!

2007-02-02T08:05:00.000+13:00

Made a decision half way through the day to not track my points but to just track my food. I am just doing this for the first week, be it detrimental or not, to see what I am doing without the points. So at the end of the week I am going to point up everything that I ate for the week and see how close I was to what I needed to be. This is to see whether I am capable of making my healthier decisions, still keeping to approx point values, but without the constant point counting. We'll see if it works next Thursday morning. I know - a bit dangerous on my first week but I think, if these changes are for life then I really need to see how I am gauging my intake by my hunger/choices and see if they match up with what I should be doing. After that it will be points.

As for the first day, well!! I didn't realise how bad I had become at picking at food every time I enter the kitchen. There is a part of my subconcious that just takes over and makes my hand reach to put food in my cakehole. It started as early as breakfast when I reached for Phoeb's leftover crusts without even thinking. Terrible!! And then every time I went in the vicinity of food I was actually having to stop myself from reaching out for something to shove in my gob.

So I had a few mental struggles but I got through them.

Had Tuna with garlic and olive oil on a baked potato with a baby rocket and spinach leaf salad. And an orange.

Dinner was a Lamb chop with one potato and more salad.

After dinner, "it's bloody hot but I ain't having an icecream" treat was a Fruju. From memory these are only worth about 1 - 1.5pts. Blair had a waffle cone with orange choc chip and hokey pokey icecream and a Fruju. Obviously thinks he needs it!!

All in all I had a good day with plenty of good food and plenty of water, although not enough to reach target. No snacking, apart from a scheduled afternoon coffee with biscuits (2), but all planned for.

Feeling good.

2007-02-01T08:07:00.000+13:00

Start Weight (if you missed it): 106.4kg or 234 pounds for you out of country folk
Goal Weight: 65kg but could I make it to 60kg?(Dreamer??)
Kgs to Lose: 41.4kg

Not as bad as I had thought, although still very bad. When I started after Phoebe was born I was 109.8kg so definitely in a better place than then, with half a stone less to lose!!

Have started the day with weighin, 700mls of water with lemon juice in it and a plate of cereal with yoghurt.

Need to go to garage and find Chub Club filing box and get out point guides and calculators so that I can get back into point mode. Having niece to stay tonight, which should be interesting. She's a wee firecracker when she wants to be, but then again, what kid isn't (Phoebe jumps to mind!!)

I'll end with a lovely photo that I took on my little Nokia cellphone of the gorgeous sky over Rangiora on Sunday night. I love my town.

Update

2007-01-31T22:26:00.000+13:00

Went and bought my new electronic scales. Was a bit pissed off as I went to Farmers to get the new Weight Watchers ones and, being a little biddy store, they didn't have any. They had a sign that said "30% off all electronic scales except weight watchers" but they just didn't HAVE the weight watchers ones. So, couldn't let that stand in my way of starting tomorrow so I bought some Salter ones that were usually $90 but, due to discount, were down to $63.

So am all ready for my new start tomorrow. Blair and I often look at old photos and while we were shifting and going through stuff he found a photo of me he liked and I said "well I was about 59kg there" and he jokingly said tonight that we won't be getting married until I am back to 59!! Now that's some incentive but I don't think we can expect that to be happening within 10 months. I have no figures till the morning but I am expecting that would be about 50kg in 10 months, or 5kg a month. Maybe if I was on the Biggest Loser. See you in the morning.

Tagged

2007-01-31T14:41:00.000+13:00

Well, have been tagged by Kim so here goes:

Four things about me:

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Checkout Operator
2. Receptionist
3. Office Manager
4. Nurse Aide

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Flashdance
2. Happy Gilmore
3. The Mists of Avalon
4. The Power of One

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Cromwell (Central Otago, South Island, New Zealand)
2. Dunedin (Otago, New Zealand)
3. Tawa (Wellington, New Zealand)
4. Palmerston North (New Zealand)

D) Four favourite TV shows:
1. House
2. ER
3. Greys Anatomy
4. Lost

E) Four of my favourite foods:
1. Lamb Chops
2. Chicken Cordon Bleu
3. Roast Kumara
4. Ambrosia

F) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Goal Weight
2. Sunshine Coast of Australia
3. Castle Hill (my spiritual place)
4. Anywhere where I was relaxing, drinking nice vodka cocktails

G) Four friends I think/hope will respond:
1. Zara
2. Crankybee
3. Mel
4. Esther

On a different note, I went and bought the kids new school uniforms for their new school today. What an expensive exercise. $225 for a sweatshirt each, a packaway parka each, two polo shirts each, two pairs shorts for Ben, one pair shorts for Peta and a sunhat each. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when have younger two at school and older two at high school. Better open a savings fund now. Haven't even gone and got the books yet!!!

Am not really enjoying my last day eating haphazardly. Stupidly, I am even bypassing healthier foods to eat as much shit as possible. Blair in town at moment and then I am going to head down to the local shops to find some good electronic scales. Apparently weight watchers have some out now??

Had a Long Day

2007-01-30T22:37:00.000+13:00

Today, for some unknown reason, seemed extremely long. It has just gone on forever. And I am itchy, I just feel like something is biting me everywhere. And the Rangiora volunteer emergency services siren is going off as I type. Something new to get used to in a smaller town. All the volunteers will come sprinting out of their houses and all arrive at the local fire station and head off to whatever accident/fire/tragedy that has befallen the local area. The wierd thing is, for a small community, I hear this siren a hell of a lot. Either there is a shit load of inbreeding which has led to a whole lot of clumsiness, or I just used to coast along blissfully unaware in the big smoke of Christchurch as to how much ill fatedness was going on around me.

Tangent Queen!!

Had Sian at hospital this morning for followup with Paediatric Neurologist and all is sweet and he said "Goodbye, I hope I never see you again" which was quite funny, yet a bit mean at the same time. Her calcium levels have come down to within normal range and that rules out epilepsy.

Made a lovely venison chasseur dish for dinner but, I didn't like the texture of the venison medallions so Blair ate my share. Disappointing as they looked like melt in your mouth steak but so weren't.

All you kiwis out there will appreciate this:

I found Toffee Milks at the supermarket. And for $1.96 a pack of 10 (which pisses me off as there are no five cent coins anymore, let alone any one and two's, so why the hell do things still cost in units of money that don't exist?? Barstards!!). Anyway, back to the joy of Toffee Milks. So remember them when I was a teenager. Used to only cost about 10c and you could chew them forever. For those that don't remember, they are small, thin bars of hard (snappy hard) caramel covered in milk chocolate. And these are not going to be part of my vocab after tomorrow but I had to buy some before the START!!

I have decided to add to my list of things I have to do as well:

Have to track
Have to be honest with myself
Have to email Zara more regularly!! (Just because I know you have mental health issues).

Changes for Life

2007-01-29T22:38:00.000+13:00

I went to the doc today for my liver function tests that I was supposed to have a week after the last hospital visit - the week before Xmas!! I took the opportunity to have a chat with him about my weight, my blood pressure, my fatty liver and motivation etc. It was great. He chatted to me about my cholesterol, which is perfect by the way. He said I am in no danger of having a heart attack at my age but that I have the markers there for it to happen in 15 years if I don't do something now. He said that I have every thing in my favour for turning the blood pressure and fatty liver around as my cholesterol is low and that means my fatty liver can reverse. Then we got onto the subject of my motivation. He put it out there that I have to make my walking and healthier eating a priority in my life and not put it off because I was too busy. I explained how I have lost a bit here and there over the past couple of years but whenever the going gets tough I put it right back on. He explained that I am an up and down sort of person and that, when I put my mind to it I can lose the weight but that is only when I am revved up. I said I had contemplated doing the whole Liver Cleansing whole foods only approach and he said that I just wasn't in the right place to try and go completely against my usual eating pattern. He said the stress of trying something so rigid and then failing again, would be more detrimental then helpful. He told me to just approach it in a baby steps manner but the changes I make need to be made for life, to be there in stressful times and good times. So we came to the conclusion that I should try to walk the kids the 2km to school at least a couple of times a week, even if we are running late. He said it was more important for me to walk than it was for the kids to always be on time to school. He stressed how extremely important the exercise was. So I have decided to do a wee start up plan to kick start me into the next 4 wks. If I want a wedding then I need to put the $20 a wk towards that so I won't be going to weight watchers. Instead I will get a good set of electronic scales.

So this is my start up plan, starting Feb 1st 2007:

On fine days, walk kids to school.
Try to implement more incidental exercise into my daily activities (vaccuum every day etc)
No snacking on biscuits or processed crap. Have carrot sticks and nuts on hands (not roasted nuts)
Drink 2L water a day.
Cut out fizzy drinks, lollies, chocolate etc as everyday items.
Takeaways only once a month (this is for money saving as well as low fatness).
Have a good breakfast every day.
Base my days around 28 points (while I am breastfeeding) but don't dismiss my hunger, as that can be bad when breastfeeding.
Be positive. Positive things happen to positive people.
Weigh once a week on a Thursday morning, starting Feb 1st.

A General Update

2007-01-27T14:39:00.000+13:00

In all the excitement I have forgotten to let all you dudes know that I made the move to Rangiora a couple of weeks ago. We advertised in the little local paper and found a 3 bdrm to rent for $250 a week and they are quite happy for us to rent on a periodic lease, meaning that we only have to give 3 weeks notice to move out. Once our new house is ready we will be able to get on into it without having to wait for a rental lease to run out.

Ben got chickenpox on the 3rd of Jan and the two older girls, Phoebe and Peta, are just getting over their bout of them. Nothing like chickenpox to make moving house a bit more complicated.

Sian is doing great. Put on heaps of weight and just adorable with plenty of smiling and giggling. She is coming up 10 weeks next Thursday. Have her followup appointment at the Paediatric Neurology department at the hospital on Tuesday. Just to make sure that the calcium levels in her blood have gone down and that she doesn't have epilepsy, which I am quite sure she doesn't.

Blair has been offered a new job by a couple of old mates who have formed a building company out here in North Canterbury. The saving in petrol alone will account for nearly $80 a week in our pocket and that doesn't include the rise in hourly payrate, vehicle and phone. Not to mention that he will be working with really great guys and hopefully, we may start getting back into the old social circles again.

Peta and Ben start at Southbrook School in a week and a half. They are both nervous in their own ways. Ben informed me yesterday that he thinks he is ugly. I think he is a really attractive wee man and I told him so. For those of you that are newer readers, you will probably not have seen photos of my other three kids so I may just have to post some

Peta

Phoebe (with a wig on!)

Ben

As for the wedding, older readers may recall that I have actually been engaged since October 2002. We were booked in to get married on 22nd October 2005 at Mt Potts Backcountry Lodge but I ended up pregnant with Phoebe. So, with so many people getting engaged after us and married before us we were starting to get a bit pissed off and then Blair's brother phoned to say that he was engaged to his longtime girlfriend of 10 years and that they had set the date for 2nd Feb next year. That was the final straw, I demanded we start seriously thinking about our wedding. It won't be anything flash and we won't be doing the high country thing (as much as I would LOVE to) as we have to be realistic with four kids and an impending mortgage. But, it will be special and I want it to be this year.

Now here are my dilemmas/thoughts:

Thought: we could have it on New Years Eve in our new house in the backyard which will be northfacing. Maybe marquee

Dilemma: Is New Years Eve a bad time to have a wedding? What will everyone do with THEIR kids?? Brother and girlfriend will be home from Aussie for Xmas but good mates will have only just been over from Sunshine Coast and will have returned any probably not afford to come back again, esp at Xmas/NY time.

Thought: Could have at Mum and Dad's lifestyle block in Okuku (20 min inland from Rangiora).

Dilemma: Mum and Dad!!! Distance from town

Thought: Could just flag the whole fucken hassle!!

Dilemma: Defeats purpose of trying to get married.