Fudge, Migraines and Stew

Ridiculously I am in the midst of making chocolate fudge and savoury stew. Why?? Comfort food baby. It's cold and we love food in this house when we are cold. As we are heading into the gluten free stage of our lives I haven't done any baking all week and Blair is getting a bit of a rumble on for a sugar hit so . . . being the lovely fiance that I am, have decided to give fudge a crack. Have never made fudge. Have made fudge slice but never made good old fashioned plain chocolate fudge and I'm thinking it's not going to turn out. It's looking very runny and I think the fact I only had caster sugar and lite milk may not work in my favour. Oh well, will always be nice on top of ice cream if it doesn't work out.

Had a mellow weekend, when don't I?? I have decided that I love Country Calendar!! Sad as it may seem, I love hearing about what rural NZers are up to as I plan to be a rural NZer one day. I have dreamt of living on a farm since I was a wee tacker and lately, this programme is fuelling the desire even more. So, to all of you that have been out partying, you don't know what you have missed out on.

And migraines, who gets them?? I have never had one until Thursday and have had them four days in a row now. Starts with a little crescent shaped disco light in my left eye, progresses to the whole outside of the left eye and then I get a really bad headache. WTF?? Why??????????????????????

As for the stew, you buggers will be wishing you were at my house for this one, blade steak, left to bubble away for a couple of hours in curry powder, beef stock (the real stuff), all spice, mustard powder and ginger with a dash of tomato sauce and vinegar. It is going to melt on my tongue with mashed potatoes.

Snapdragon!!

Stolen from Wanna

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Hilarious, because this is me to a tee. If I am your friend baby, I will walk the earth for you but, there is a lot of mischief in me and we all know I am hilarious don't we?? I loved this little quiz. Let me know what sort of flower you turned out to be?? Go on.

Week 12 weigh in

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Twelve: 105.2kg
Loss/Gain: -200g
Lost so far: 1.2kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.2kg

So it's official, I am capable of losing 100g a week and will be at my ultimate goal weight by . . . . . January 2016. If we put off our wedding till I am at goal weight I will have been engaged for 14 years. Fuck that. I'm just going to have to get married in a marquee (and I don't mean for a venue !)

Where is the Humour??

Okay, either you are all too dim witted to notice or I just think I am funny when I'm not. The last post heading "Does My FAT Look ARSE in This?" was a play on words and I had expected people to pick up on it. Either CKK was the only one that did or the rest of you just did not think it was as fucken hilarious as I thought it was. So much so, in fact, that I made Blair come and look at it and I just kept laughing and saying how fucken funny I was!! Maybe the look on his face should have been the indicator that only I was going to find it humourous. Oh well..... my blog after all.

Also, further to Jack of All Trades I have decided not to pursue my dream of being an auto mechanic! And this on the same day that I find out the frickin water pump has gone in the Subaru for the second time in just over two years. Obviously all my previous negative thoughts about what the hell was going to go wrong with the car next has worked it's magic and lo and behold, my thoughts have manifested into another major problem. I know have to focus on the good points of my car. It's a wagon, that's good, it has nice mags, and it took us on the best holiday of our family life. You're a great car Sooby!! Back to the auto mechanics. My wise father pointed out that gone are the days when you can take a motor to bits, recondition it and put it back together, no wucken forries. These days you need an IT degree as well and a shitload of specialist equipment. Trust Dad to quash my dreams. And a stupid mate pointed out that mechanics always have dirty hands. I was planning on learning it for when I needed it you twatt, not setting up a neighbourhood mechanics shop!!

So dressmaking and fashion design and horse breeding along with finishing Naturopathy - all still on the cards.

I can see my life before me:

In five years I will be living in this house:



training this calibre of horse:




who will be residing in these stables:



and sewing one off wedding dresses like this in my spare time:



So what will you be doing in five years??

Does My Fat Look Arse In This??

How often have we asked the question, or a very similar one, of someone we love knowing that it doesn't matter what the reply is - we will still feel inadequate and hate ourselves?? (Sorry Kathryn - know you had a had a similar subject recently - not copying - promise!)

The thing is, and I have been contemplating this subject for a couple of days (and was hoping to have a spectacular back view photo of my arse to add - in jeans people, get your minds out of the gutter but had to settle with one off google images). Where was I? That's right back to my arse. The truth is we all know whether we look good in something or not. We all know that if your BMI isn't floating around the normal range then chances are certain outfits just ain't gonna cut it. Crop tops - nup! Bike pants - nup! Mini skirts - nup! Bikinis - double nup!! You get the picture. What never fails to send me into a flurry of dismay is those that don't have someone to say - mate, that just isn't your style.

Now, no offense to anyone is intended by this ramble and if you are overweight and go midriff bare and are happy then, big ups to you, but it aint for me. I tend to wear as much flattering stuff as I can and often think that there isn't enough flattering clothing out there for the bigger lass. And then the people that decide that as soon as you hit size 16 you want to wear floral t-shirts and straight polyester trousers - well they need a bullet. That is why I think I have so often been known to daydream about fabric and design because I know that I sure as hell could design some lovely clothing to flatter any figure big or small. It isn't rocket science but it is all about accentuating the positive and hiding the negative. (Trinny, Susannah and Jules, has a nice ring to it).

My favourite top is a crossover at the breast top that the material then scrunches up over the stomach (hiding the pudgy, I've dropped four sproglets tummy) and then flares out again a wee bit at the waist.

So I have a challenge, big or small, tell me what your body shape is and what your most flattering piece of clothing is. You know the one, it's the one that you always get good comments about when you wear it. Come on, don't be shy, share the secrets.

PS Weekly Weigh In Week 11 (I know it's late but after the proving I'm so happy and still losing post sort of had me a bit hesitant to post a gain!!)

Start Weight: 106.4kg
Week Eleven: 105.4kg
Loss/Gain: +1.2kg
Lost so far: 1.0kg
Kgs to Goal: 45.4kg

Anyway, after Paulene's challenge this is all going to be a sidebar update only. I am not going to be concentrating on the scale in such a big weigh (he he) but keeping a track of the figures once a week but not so worried about the goal weight or the loss or gain each week etc. I will just keep a track of what I started at and what I weigh each week so I know where I am at and where the IE thing is working.

Just To Prove I Was Happy .....

This is me at around 80kg. I WAS happy man, check out the look on my face (okay it looks a bit "special needs" but look past the expression). I was secretly up to something that night, I was confident and I looked pretty damn hot. You may disagree but I don't give a turd as I thought I was, so that is what counts, is it not?? If I recall correctly I got completely off face this night and scared the bejesus out of a 17 year old pudgy boy in the dormitories by telling him the ins and outs of horse racing and threatening to bash him with a vacuum cleaner because he wouldn't stop following me around like a love sick puppy dog. He also had a mullet and not a cool one but an old school genuine mousy brown one. I was 22!!
Aaaaah the memories! So, in recognition of the happiness I am making this photo (which plenty of you have seen as my profile photo in other places) my new profile photo here. Every time you come here you can see me looking cheeky, full of attitude and ready for a bloody great time - which is exactly how life is gonna be from now on buddarooneys!!!

Warmth in My Core

Crazy title I know but I am feeling really great at the moment. Either those meds have something illegal in them or life is just feeling good. I have an inner peace in myself and for the first time in years am actually feeling quite at peace with my lot. The only thing that bothers me continuously is the fact that both Blair and I are both still able to make babies! LOL! I really need one of us to be put out of action on that front to have the really beautiful inner peace feeling.

I feel calm and warm on the inside and I know yesterday's post was a bit OTT on the "what I am going to do" front but, let's keep it in perspective, I am talking about the next 5 years at least, not all to be completed this year.

I had an epiphany last night while reading No More Diets and at the top of her entry was the following phrase: “DIETS TURN NORMAL EATERS INTO PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF FOOD”. I felt the bolt of lightening come down and light up my brain. If we recall I was always a bit overweight - size NZ 16 or Aus 14 or who the hell knows English or American - from 18 to 24. I had been run over and stopped playing sport, discovered alcohol, loved it, over indulged in it on a regular basis and, while in first year of Bachelor of Veterinary Science, fell pregnant.

Then I had my eldest, dropped pregnancy weight immediately and was back to around 79 - 80kg, but I was happy, never worried much about my weight at all, then got pregnant the second time and my mother made a comment about me looking like someone in a weight watchers before photo in a women's magazine and that was it.

Joined weight watchers after I had 2nd bubs and was about 90kg when I started the neverending cycle of self loathing and guilt around food. I had previously not had an issue with food. I had an overindulgence issue, for sure, but never felt bad about my body, never had such a terrible self image of myself. I have been on the dieting yo yo for 6 and a half years now and, what works for others, doesn't work for me. I have always been able to read about people such as Zara (my soul mate of a buddy on the other side of the planet), Dietgirl, Emily, Mary,Kathryn and Chris H and think, these chics have it sussed on the losing weight front. They have overcome their emotional ties with it as well and are all brilliant at what they do.

But ... what works for them doesn't for me. As soon as I start limiting food or watching it at all, I start to have those, Oh well, have been bad better just be bad for the rest of the day, will be good tomorrow. I am constantly beating myself up and it has a huge detrimental effect on my mental health. This time, after the initial couple of weeks, I have just tried to focus on eating when I am hungry. Since I started that train of thought I have either lost or maintained. I am not eating as much in quantity and I am drinking more water. I am focusing on the person within instead of the overweight person that my appearance portrays me as. I am feeling great. I have been quoting off the Ultimate Health Keys and am soon to put Key no 4 but the most fun I am getting out of this book is Keys 6 - 12 which takes a good hard look at the inner you.

Jack of All Trades

Now, I know I was supposed to be looking at my goals in life etc to try and move forward but last night I stumbled on the Stotts Correspondence College website and I have now decided that over the next few years, in addition to finishing my Naturopathy and studying a course in equine breeding and care through Telford Rural Polytechnic, that I am going to learn Automotive Mechanics and Dressmaking/Fashion Design and I am going to become a volunteer ambulance officer. I have the brains to do a lot of tertiary education but, with four kids I honestly don't have the time to become a veterinarian or a doctor (believe me, I've contemplated it) so I am going to do things that interest me or I think are going to help my finances. Have always had a passion for designing, esp dresses and thought I might spit out a few wedding or formal dresses if I get any good at it. As for the automotive side of things, I am sick to bloody death of paying bloody mechanics shitloads and not even knowing if things needed fixing in the first place or if they were just getting work out of the stupid woman. I have to finish the Naturopathy, I love helping people and the world needs more humourous ambulance officers like myself. Laughter is the best medicine after all. As for the horses, passion and desire to own, breed and enjoy them since I was three years old, by 40 it will be a reality.

Keep me busy anyway.

By the way, went for a half hour brisk walk with the kids this morning, two in pram and two walking behind me complaining of how fast I was walking!! You would think an 8 year old and a soon to be 7 year old would be fitter than their obese mother but looks like I was streaks ahead.