Monday, July 09, 2007

The Neverending Wipe

Caution: Poos and Sex talk ahead

Have you ever got the kids off to bed, done the dishes, the house is in order, the fire is on and it's below zero outside.

Your man is showing friskiness alert signals.

You're up for it.

All you need is a shower and it will be all systems go.

Then the urge to pass a bowel motion hits.

No worries, off to the toilet you go, this is pre-shower so you're all good.

Said bowel motion done, time to wipe.

And wipe.....

and wipe.....

and wipe again....

is this shit ever going to be gone???

A mental image of your impending romp flashes into your head.

Oh baby, oh baby, grope grope grope .... awkward silence ....

"is that shit??"

.................................

Needless to say I didn't have sex last night due to horror at thought of above scenario!!

17 comments:

Chris H said...

Fucken glad I havn't had breakfast yet... or wanna have some hanky panky with Stew..... me mind boggles ! TA for that.

Kate said...

Lmao! You're hilarious. Wet wipes are good for that, btw :-)

crankybee said...

I have no comment or advice on the poo problem...but surely eating Gluten cannot help!

NOW! What I CAN rant on about is wedding rings! My engagement ring is a white gold antique ring, and EVERYONE was saying "Oh, you'll have to get a ring made around that" (as in a funny shaped one that you can't wear by itself) Ewen didn't know what he wanted, but years before I saw a hammer effect ring at Oxford St markets that I liked. I showed it to him, and he agreed it was 'him', so it was ordered. Did I care that mine wouldn't match? NO. In the end, I decided to wear my Great-Grandmother's wedding band, a thin rose gold number...on my right hand! It wouldn't fit on the left finger without damaging my engagement ring, and I'm not one for tradition.

SO I SAY - screw 'em. Who needs to pander to what other people want? Get the ring YOU WANT, let Blair get the ring HE WANTS and let them suck it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And thanks for your advice too!

Wanna_B_slim said...

Ahhh Jules, Jules, Jules.... You have been eating grooten havent you lovely....
Cut the crap eating and the craps should get better.....
Hard to get the balance right with eating I know... but NO GROOTEN should help....
Unfortunately I do know what you are talkin about tho... and luckily I read that and still managed to keep my brekkie down....

Mellisa said...

*giggles like a school girl*

I agree with Kate ... wet ones in beside the toilet works for me!! lol ..... I use them at TTOM ... makes me feel fresher. (just thought I would share! lol)

rand(om) bites said...

Bwahaha...what the hell were you eating woman!? When I eat bad, I know my shit is gonna be bad. Poo and sex is a turn off for me too LOL.

Chris H said...

Too true! Only, I have all the weights etc upstairs so don't even have to resort to Baked Bean tins..... cool eh? Hope you are having a good morning, cold down there I bet!

Chris H said...

Remind me to never visit you in winter... wishful thinking that, freezing ya arse off! Good try though. Now get back to it woman... I sure need to! I've been on this friggin computer on and off since 7 this morning!

Lee-Anne said...

Been thinking of you freezing your arse off.

Yeah, go for the wet wipes. Keep them beside the bed, lol. What a scary thought. You could always keep having showers tho. Least you'll be clean.

Helena said...

if its cold enuff, you'll be able to chisel the dags off your arse ... :D

crankybee said...

"Jules, I just dry retched when I read your comment. I'm coning over to your blog to tell you so too..."

That's from Kate's blog. I am so disturbed by the IUD comment I feel like crying!!!!!

crankybee said...

Oh you big big DAG! I am so sorry - when I read the above it DOES sound like I am almost in need of counselling, but I was only paying you out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was paying you out on Kate's blog and then thought "hmm...she may not see this...must pop over and pay her out on her own!" I am a shit stirrer and you MUST NOT EVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! EVER! :P

Now you have to tell me the end of the story! WHAT HAPPENED?

Chris H said...

Yes ... what happened??? YOu are not preggers again are ya??? Push that bloody IUD back in there!

Steph said...

Two words. Detachable showerhead.

Gets in all those nooks and crannies.

crankybee said...

Update, girlfriend!

Cazzie!!! said...

TMI, LMAO :)

Miss Smack said...

hahahah i agree with Steph. A shower head is a good idea.