Tuesday, August 14, 2007

A Head Fill of Bubble Wrap

That is what it feels like at the moment.

A fuzzy unclear feeling with the odd pop!!

I have been reading some inspiring reads lately. Many of you are in such a good place while others of you are in the same sinking boat I'm in. The most positive of all, for me, is Becks. She is just constantly finding the best in every situation at the moment and I would so like to be in that frame of mind.

But I'm not .....

I'm struggling.

I have tears in my eyes right now.

My muffin top is protruding over my size 18 jeans. My skin is shitty. My skin is itchy. My sinuses are stuffy. My arse is too big. My eyelids are heavy.

Why the fucking hell can I not just get up each day, eat gluten free and be a fucken good girl?? I lecture the kids all the time "how hard is it to just do what you are told and behave yourself?" Well actually Mum, it's bloody hard and you can't do it so why the hell should we.

I feel the old familiar feeling of tension in my neck, in between my shoulder blades.

All I ate yesterday were biscuits dipped in coffee, for breakfast and lunch and then I had half a loaf of white bread with butter with fried rice with cheese kranskys in it for dinner. I had at least 6 cups of coffee yesterday.

I have the juicer there.

I have the herbal teas.

Why the hell it so hard to deal with the basic operation of your willpower?

How is it that I can't get my desire to look fab to fall into line with my mind and body's actions?

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side??


Kitty said...

Jules I am sorry you have have a struggly time. I sensed as much. You are friggin wonderful and I wish there was something that I could do to help you shoulder the shitty feelings babe. We all have willpower free periods in our lives, and you are not alone.

Get on track TODAY. Just worry about it today, not tomorrow or yesterday. Forget about the bread and whatever, just start right NOW.

Kitty said...

that comment made little sense, but i hope you get what i mean.

Jo said...

I am feeling the same. I feel like I am operating today through a thick blanket and everyone else is on the other side of it.

It will pass.

Lets try to remember that, aye??

And I agree with Kitty - just start RIGHT NOW. Not 'once I've had this packet of biscuits', or 'tomorrow, starting afresh'.



Lyn said...

Yep $119 is all I got ... that gives you 400 tablets which you can take over an 8 day program (what I'm doing) or 15 day or longer ... just means you take less tablets each day if you do a longer one.

I'll be back later to read you blog after I've done my blog update. BTW my weighin results won't be in till Wednesday ... sorry.

Chris H said...

Ahh ya know how I feel, and nothing I say or anyone else says will change it, at the end of the day it's up to us... and how we are feeling.... so if the lightbulb ain't on, if friggin well simply ain't on! You will jsut have to wait till it's the right time in your head... fuck it.

rand(om) bites said...

Oh hon, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You've got a lot going on right now but don't chuck the towel in. I agree with what everyone else is saying and just worry about today and start making positive changes right NOW. All I know is that bad days don't last, unless you let them. You're too gorgeous, funny, smart to stay in this funk. Have a good cry and then you'll have the energy again to sort yourself out. Sometimes we all just need a big old cry.


Chubbymum said...

I so understand as my posts of late have been the same... I have found a challenge now and I am glad BUT OMG DO I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH...

You can do this... just set a mini goal before the wedding... maybe to drink more water and stick to one thing... ??? maybe that will help.

Big hugs my friend


B said...

Dammit I just lost my comment. I hate that.
I think we're all feeling a little like this at the moment. My weight stayed that same this week, i'm just not trying, cos I don't care right now. Hopefully the warmer weather will change things? Chin up honey, one step at a time.

Yummy Mummy said...

Hope you are a little brighter today...
Funks suck.. they suck big time!! But only you can help yourself get out of them.
You know the stuff!! do it!

sandie_bee said...

hey ya Jules,
as you can read we all have days, weeks and god forbid longer when we just get into that healthy eating grove. But all is not lost, our regret at not doing it as we should, shows that we still have the motivation to do it. I know I struggle often, and with so much to lose it is really easy to say 'Fuck it' it is too bloody hard. But I figure longer I don't do anything the longer it is till I get there I want to be. There is sunshine on the other side of the rainbow... we will ge there. Chin up girly :o)

Sue said...

Sweetie pie, I can't answer your questions, I can only send you a big *HUG*

Lyn said...

Unfortunately unless the light is switched on it can be very frustrating. And the problem is the for each of us different things switch that light. I waited for mine to switch on for 18mths and it just didn't. Then one day out of the blue something clicked and I haven't looked back.

The best thing you can do in the meantime is keep blogging and reading blogs.

Anne said...

Have felt for you over the last few entries (but unable to leave a comment until now). Weird how sometimes we just can't do what we know we should and other times it seems easy. Can't help you either with why but hang in there and put all your feelings out here and hopefully we can keep supporting you!

I find sometimes by thinking of only dealing with ONE day helps, get one day under your belt makes the second one seem easier to deal with.......

Miss Beck said...

Thank you so much for the kudos. But I really have to share something with you.

My muffin top is protruding over my size 18 jeans (but Im glad they are no longer a size 26)

My skin is shitty too (just started upping my water intake).

My ass is too big, my stomach is too big and my eyelids are also heavy.

But I'm alive and I never had a bad day unless I chose to.

Some days it's too familiar to me. It's too warm and comforting to binge eat, sloth around and pity myself.

In the past few weeks, I have woken every single morning and as I brush my teeth, I breath in through my nose and say in a dicky voice, "Today is going to be magnificent"

It took a few days but I started believing myself and the moods started lifting.

It's a start right?

"Sometimes the energy to begin, doesn't come until we've begun."

Mellisa said...

WOW Beck .... You have a way with words!!
I am struggling too Jules .... I have put on just over 7 kilos in the last 4 months .... I feel like shit and look it too ..... I even heard the comment the other day at the school .. "didn't take her long to pack it on!!"
I have my mojo back at the moment(ok today!) and I am starting to feel that excitement to lose weight .... I vow that by X-mas I WILL be at goal weight!!!
*on knees praying* Please!!!!

Hang in there .... we will get there!!


Wanna_B_slim said...

Oh bloody hell Jules.. whats going on girl...
I get a friggin job and lose 33445876 hours of blog time and ya go to pieces.... Get rid of that shitty fkn gluten out of your life once and for all and you will be a new woman... i know it and you know it!!!!
It is hard i know.. been there done that... tis like an addiction...
Take care and know that you are so not alone...
we have all been there and done exactly the same things...
Hugs to you...

Jin said...

We all have shite days Jules & like many of your commenters, I also know how you feel. A few days back I had my first ever car accident (as a driver) with my parents in the car. Thankfully no major damage to us or the (hire) car, but I'm telling you, I've felt fuckin awful since then & my 'sensible eating' flew out the window.
There's heaps of us out here in cyberspace who are supporting you hon & watching every word on your blog. Take it one day at a time & remember, we only have one life, so try to enjoy it.
As my late father-by-law would say: Fuck 'em All Except Us.

Lyn said...

Re: your comment ... I got mine through the healthshop across the road, but on reading their website it looks like you can order directly off them over the internet. It's the same price either way.

Really worth while doing!!! Hard ... but worth it!!
I'm going to do an evaluation on my blog today about it all. ie. pros and cons.

Lee-Anne said...

Ah, I see what your problem is - you've blown a fuse on your motivation switch. Get it changed and you'll be firing on all cyclinders again.

Big hugs hun, you'll get through it - you know we always do.