Friday, March 30, 2007

Who Am I - the honest truth

I have been meaning to have goals for ages now. Not just with weight loss but with life.

I was quite bright at school, easily passed exams and was in the top streamed classes from Form 5 to 7, (Year 11 -13 Aussie and no idea American??). At the same time, as soon as I was put up a class I started to rebel. I didn't want to be seen as one of the "geeks" so I got myself in the shit in all possible ways. I was a bitch of a teenager, aren't we all? I always had an overwhelming sense that I disappointed my parents as I was the one with all the good grades yet I didn't get off my butt and do anything with it. I left school halfway through my last year and got a job in an office. I had a boyfriend at the start of that year who wasn't working or at school and I really wanted to be independent from school life so I could do what I wanted with him without my parents throwing school in my face. The things we do!! So I left and then went flatting and, of course, the boyfriend pissed off and I found out I had miscarried at 5 weeks pregnant after we had broken up. I was 17. I was in a bad headspace.


I was drunk one night and walked out in front of a car that was travelling 70km/hr. It was a VW so that was the life saving factor. The bumper bar was low so it hit my calves and my knees bent backwards and I went over the bonnet and through the windscreen. I have a windshield wiper scar on my right shoulder blade. I was in hospital for the weekend and then I had to move back home as I couldn't shower etc. After recovery I decided to go to university. I enrolled but then had a fall out with my father just before I was due to start so I pulled out. I was going to do a BSc majoring in Zoology. I went and worked at a car yard as the office chic and then had my ACL surgery on my left knee. I lost the job at the car yard due to not taking the sexual advances of the accountant. Decided to cut my losses and went and got another job at a manufacturing plant in the office. Then, in 1995, I moved to Dunedin and did my Veterinary nursing. I lived in a haunted old villa (a whole other story!!) and spent a lot of my spare time with my aunty who trained race horses.


I moved back to Christchurch after the course and looked for work but their was none out there in the nursing of animals field. So I checkout chicked it for a couple of months and then decided to go to university again and signed up at Canterbury for a BA. I left after a couple of lectures. Too busy partying. Got a job at a property management firm and was there for a year, lucky I lasted that long the amount of times I came in hungover and late!! I then moved out of the the flat I was living in with a bunch of gib plastering pissheads, moved home and went nurse aiding while I decided what I wanted to do with myself - again. Applied to Massey for Bachelor of Veterinary Science, had always wanted to be a vet, had the brains, why not??


Got pregnant during Orientation on a one night stand with someone who I never saw again. Got involved with the sort of guy that I would never usually look twice at. Met him through the flat I was living in. Spent three months travelling from Palmerston North to Greymouth with him and then realised that I was being used and rung Dad to come pick me up. 7 months pregnant and Dad helped me move into my own little house. It was scary but cool at the same time. Loved having my own space. Had my daughter in November, had just turned 23 and was quite happy.


Peta was 4 months old when I hooked up with Blair, one of my best friends. He moved in nearly straight away and that was 8 years ago. I fell in love instantly and our relationship was very passionate yet volatile for the first year. I found out I was pregnant with Ben and Blair got some counselling for insecurities and we stuck things out. Ben was born June 2000.


Joined Weight Watchers for the first time with two mates. Lost over 2kg in the first week and loved it. Quickly lost 7kg (around 15pd)and was feeling great. Was nurse aiding at night in a dementia unit. Bloody tiring. Peta turned 2 late November and I went off the WW and by Feb was over 100kg when bridesmaid at my sisters wedding. Went on to work at for another property management company, loved the job and the people, got made redundant, my aunty (horsey one) got diagnosed with back cancer. I cut my hair off extremely short and went back to nurse aiding in dementia unit. Had major depression after my aunty died. Lost the plot. Went on meds, left job and worked in public health system in admin. Joined weight watchers another three times in this period. Got pregnant with Phoebe. Had blood pressure issues and left my job. Phoebe born April 2005.


Highest recorded weight. Joined weight watchers again. Had a great leader. Stay at home mum. Lost 7.2kg. Went back to work fulltime. Got pregnant with Sian while IUD in. Left work at 27 weeks pregnant due to bp again. Had Sian November 2006.


Here we are. I need some goals. As you can see my life has been erratic and all over the place. I need some stability other than family. I need interests for me and I need a bit of routine.


Chris H said...

You said it chick, so what ya gunna do about it? I can't make any suggestions, it is up to you and you know it. If there is something you really truly want out of life, and you are bloody sure about it, then GO FOR IT. If in doubt, wait till you are sure. Have a lovely day.

Mellisa said...

Like Chris said.... you have to make these goals yourself .....
I could maybe say make 5 kilo goals and reward yourself with something you love .... List them then tick 'em off as you get there.
Other than that .... put your head down and arse up and shift those kilos woman!!! lol

Lyn said...

It's so fascinating hearing how people get where they are.

Like Chris and Mellisa have said it is something that only you can control. Nothing we say will change your life unless you are in the right headspace to accept it and do something about it. And for me that had to happen on my own without any pressure from anyone else.

But no matter what you decide to do you will always have support here to help you through it.

Thanks for posting your story :)

Tania said...

If there's one thing i've learnt over the years about goal setting it's that it takes 3 steps - 1) visualise or write down your goal - whatever it takes to keep focussing on it, 2) work out the steps you have to take to get there including a time line and 3) reward yourself when you've achieved it!

But it all starts with baby steps - with 4 kids maybe the best place to start is to have some time allocated just for you to do what YOU want - something where you can just be Jules and not mum!

It's interesting to reflect on the weight patterns that follow the journeys through our lives isn't it? I need to take a good long look at that with my own life, can definitely feel a post coming on.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Sandra said...

It sounds like you never really found something that fulfilled you. I know you were doing some naturopathy training before. Is that it? Do you feel it? Or is it another stopgap?

Only you know the answer to that.
Sometimes we work to pay the bills. Sometimes we work because we love what we do. The best is to find something we love that also pays the bills.

For you, with the kids, it has to be something that can fit in with that so I'm thinking self-employed somehow. But only you can say what it is you want to dedicate yourself to.

Good luck. You've inspired me to think about these things as well!

Name: Lynise said...

Hi there,
Hey, thanx for sharing so much.
Chris H left me a comment on my blog saying that you couldn't sign in. You should be able to log in under your e-mail address and your own personal password for that e-mail. Hope that makes sense.