Planning Frenzy

Well, after 4 and a half years of engagement Blair and I have decided to make it official and are in the throes of planning our wedding. We are thinking October 13th this year but have to confirm with my Dad who is travelling the remote north west coast of Australia at the moment.

I have been trying to whittle down an invite list as we are only having immediate family and GREAT friends. Really hard to not invite people but we can always have a shindig at the local pub with all those we didn't invite. It's our day afterall.

Have lost another 800g this week and am feeling great, apart from the last bits of my virus that are hanging around.

Had my public gynae appointment yesterday, most action I've had for a couple of months!! Things are looking good and I have been placed on public list for a tubal ligation and pelvic floor repair. I have also been advised by gynae to get the Kegelmaster 2000 out and get into it because any exercise of the va-j-j is going to help my cause.

Went to obedience training the other night and was great, learnt how much work we have to do with this dog but she is really worth it. Darling little border that she is.

So, what am I up to for the week: Planning a wedding!

Any tips on dresses, especially celtic sorts, would be much appreciated eg:

Quickly Now.....

Just a quick update. Have been busy, had Ben's rugby on Saturday morning all the way in Culverden, a good 140km from Rangiora! Nearly a 300km return trip for frickin rugby and under 7's at that!

Went out on Saturday night to the Flying Burrito Brothers. Had a lovely gluten free steak with spanish potoates and salad. Lovely meal but a bit off that we had to leave the restaurant at 8.30pm for the next sitting to come in. Felt like a beast in a cattle yard being herded out.

Dog has been a nutter and has chewed up punga logs that are bordering one of our gardens and has taken to stealing shoes and hiding them.

I had a treat size Dairy Milk chocolate bar last night and feel like shit today. That is my first really bad thing since I went gluten free. It doesn't have gluten in it but I still feel like poo bums today.

I am in the process of doing a bit of organising so I will update soon and it will hopefully be with some good news.

I am a Virgin.

I am really enjoying this gluten free thing. I have lost another 400g this week, small but very significant because .... I have my monthly visitor and I have NEVER once in my life lost weight the week of my monthly visitor. Amazing stuff.

So, this officially puts me at virgin weight status. For the first time in 6 years I am back to virgin fat. Funny thing is I feel way fatter than I did last time I was near to virgin weight. I think it has to do with the extra stretching of skin with another child and the fact that last time I was doing a lot of Tae Bo and biking.

I have definitely picked up the pace in my general life since Saffy came on the scene (we started calling her that from day one Bri, LOL!)as I take her to the park twice a day and run around with her and chase her and walk with her.

Blair takes her every night for a big walk and then does drills at the park with her.

So my goal for this week is to enjoy being a virgin again!!

Woof Woof

As you have guessed I made an impulse purchase and have finalised my family (for now) with a blue merle border collie named Saphire. I know, the name sucks bum but she is 1 year old and it's bit mean to change her name now as it seems to be the only thing she has been taught.

I'm not kidding, she doesn't know how to sit, drop, come - anything. As a friend has said "I'm a glutton for punishment".

Saphire's owner died of cancer a couple of months ago and left her dog to her two sons in their early 20's. They have shared care of her and had finally admitted defeat in giving her enough attention.

So, next Tuesday we're off to obedience training. The poor darling doesn't even like going through doors, afraid she is going to be shut in. I feel she may have been shut away for long periods of time. I have even left the garage door open with two rubbish bags sitting there and she hasn't gone near them.

So, that is my current project.

What are you spending the week working on??

Impulse Spending

There's a Hair Up My Anus, Dear Liza, Dear Liza ...

A quick but wierd one for Friday ....

My hair is falling out in great clumps.

When I wash it I can end up with at least a handful of it.

We find it all over the house.

Blair often phones me to say that he has just bitten into a sandwich I have made and there is one of my long dark hairs in it.

Last night he came out of the shower seeming a little disturbed.

"Somehow one of your hairs has worked it's way up my arse" he said.

"What?"

"I was cleaning my butt and I felt a hair and I pulled it and I could feel it squirming through my arse and when I finally got it out it was one of your long ones. How the fuck did it get up my arse?" he asked.

"You probably ate it and it's just coming out the other end" I wisely replied.

"I don't think so!" he retorts and stomps off.

What, does he think I snuck it up there? Men!!

When & How Do You Weigh?

I have had another 1kg loss this week and am stoked but, in the interests of science, I weighed again at 11am to see what the difference is between my 7am, nude weight and my mid day fully clothed and starting to retain fluid weight.

7am: 102.8kg

11am: 105.0kg

11am without clothes: 103.6kg

So there you go. This is especially to those that weigh themselves every day, sometimes morning and night, and beat themselves up about the what the scales say. I am not phased by the 11am weighin because I am the fluid retention queen. And my clothes obviously weighed a good 1.4kg. The other 800g was my fluid.

So . . . . to all those ladies that stress over a tiny gain, it can be as little a difference as what you are wearing to what time of day it is. Especially when you are pre menstrual as you retain fluid really badly. And ... if you aren't drinking enough water your body retains fluid.

I am not analysing all these numbers for my benefit as I am happy with where I am headed and where I am at, but I sometimes despair when I hear some of you other darlings worrying to death about what the scales are reading.

Do you feel better in yourself this week?

Are your clothes looser?

Is you skin clearer?

Is your face less puffy?

Do you know you were healthy and honest this week?

These are the questions you should be asking.

PS I'm as sick as a pack of wolves and am overdosing on Vit C and Cell salts. Feel much better today than yesterday and it will all have cleared up by tomorrow evening.
Keep well my peeps.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Buzzy morning I have had. Mary and Kate know that I have been dying to find a yoga place here in North Canterbury, but alas, all my searching has been to no avail.

The local rag was sitting on the dining table and I went to put it straight into the recycling bin, when something made me open it. There was a woman's face staring out at me. I didn't know her but she seemed familiar. I went to the page her story was on and found an article all about an accomplished dancer I had already had a conversation with on the phone with regard to getting Peta into Jazz lessons. I read on about all her experience, mother of four, dancing around the world with different dance companies, and how she had landed in North Canterbury to escape the rat race and was running her dance studio. I kept reading and, voila (lol Kate!!), she takes YOGA classes.

I phoned straight away, introduced myself and said that we had already spoken regarding dance classes for Peta but she had no spaces available and I was just ringing to put Peta on the waiting list. She laughed and said "you were supposed to phone me this morning, a little girl has just been advanced into the next level so we have space for Peta to start next term". I then went on and mentioned the Yoga. She got excited beyond belief when I explained why I wanted to start yoga, what I was studying and where my beliefs lay. She is an extremely spiritual woman and I just can't believe how one little opening of a paper has me right where I want to be in half an hour.

Put it out there people, and it will come.

What's Up With That Bitch??

On Saturday I was wandering the main street looking for a gift for my mother. I knew what I wanted but I just needed to find one.

I entered a little gift shop, sort of swanky.

Just in front of me was one of the world's best equestrian riders and his wife. I smiled (as you do when you are a fucken polite person) and proceeded deeper into the confines of the shop.

I walked up, through the ornate giftware and towards the back of the shop where I had spied some bags. I walked straight past the counter where I could not fail to notice a rather large woman, swank-stained to the hilt, black bob with a fringe, big bracelets and beads, larger than life. She sat behind the counter in a pile of uninterest. Then I noticed her nostrils start to flare, her eyebrows arched and her meticulously groomed head did a 45 degree turn in a nano second. She had sniffed out celebrity.

The mass of try-hard waddled past me at a great rate of knots, fending joe blog customers to the left and right of her as her red-lipsticked mouth formed the biggest fake smile I have ever seen in real life. I sort of pitied her in a way, as she had a shit show in hell of reaching said equestrain extraordinairre before he and his lovely wife sauntered back out of the shop, an aura of boredom surrounding them.

Did I feel offended that I, being the first customer in the shop, was completely ignored in favour of celebrity? Ok, a wee bit.

Did I expect the same level of attention to be bestowed upon myself once the 6 ft wide Adams family ring in finally got back to my end of the shop? Stupidly, yes.

Did I the "you right?", spat out in a frosty tone that the Ice Queen herself would envy, quench my thirst for some customer service? No!

Did I leave the shop on principle? You damn fucken right I did.

Tell me your customer service story

A Fitting End

I had a great Mother's Day! Woke up to kids bouncing into the room with presents and so excited to be giving them to Mum. Phoebe and Sian gave me a gumboot each. Now this is the most practical gift ever as I am a "rugby mum" now and standing on the sideline in my shoes is becoming a messy affair.

Ben gave me a wooden jewellery box, which is great as I currently have all my jewellery floating around my drawers.

Peta gave me a hanging fiery flower with a crystal in the middle. I have hung it up right where the afternoon sun will shine through it and fill my lounge with a red glow.

I had breakfast made for me.

We went to the Gypsy Fair at Dudley Park in Rangiora. I am a gypsy at heart. I love gypsy clothing and crystals and candy floss and tarot and all that is gypsy. I love house trucks. But, in reality, I couldn't stand to live in one.

I think I love the fantasy of not being constrained by society's expectations.

We then went out to Mum and Dad's and I gave Mum her beauty case I had got her for Mother's Day. She was stoked. I definitely won the present of the day award. LOL. Mum has been a great help to me for years now but this year has been so great with all the depression and helping out with the kids. I love my Mum to bits. Then we quickly departed as my sister, her family and her mother and father in law were there. Why? I do not know. We came home and watched A Series of Unfortunate Events with the kids. A bloody great movie.

Then came the fitting end to Mother's Day. I was settling my precious Sian down for bed and was giving her a bit of a cuddle and a burp . . . . . . .

AND SHE POWERCHUCKED ALL OVER MY FACE AND HAIR.

And you know what? I relished in the irony of it. This is what being a mother is about. It is nice to have presents and cards and lovely words said but the real joys of motherhood are inclusive of those little moments when you get a pile of puke in your hair. I laughed out loud and Blair thought I was nuts. That is why he is a father.

Situations Vacant

MUM - JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION :
Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Mumma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 kms per hr in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered.
This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

GF For Me!!

This is definitely not about weight loss alone, I am in it for the health benefits, but baby - check out "What's The Weight?" to the right >>>>>>>>>

I have not tried to focus on weight loss at all. I have eaten when I am hungry and that is all. I have drunk a bit more water than usual and I think this is a side effect of the drier GF foods. I feel fucken great!!!!! I have more energy. I don't have a sore tummy and I just feel tops.

My little 2 year old slept in a big bed for the first time last night. I have held off getting her out of her cot for a number of reasons but it is definitely time for Sian to progress from the bassinett so I did the big transfer. I was not thinking positively at all, expected an all night vigil as I had with Ben when he went into a cot. But ... she blew me out of the water by hopping in, saying she was cosy and sleeping all night (apart from 5.12am when I heard her repeating "I'm cold, I'm cold" and I went in to find her out of the blankets curled up in a ball).

My 8 year old girl proved yesterday that she is going to follow in her mother's devious ways by wearing trackpants I had bought her for school (it's bloody cold at the mo and they are part of the uniform) when she left the house and then changing into some way too small culottes from when she started school 3 years ago and then changing back before I picked her up. Sneaky little minx. I caught her out though and now am trying to think of a good punishment that suits the crime. I despair because I didn't start this sort of shit till I was about 13!! What sort of a teenager is she going to be?? Crying my arse off at the thought!!

Kids!!

Phoebe - what can you say, she's 84cm of attitude. I thought I was going to have a huge fight on my hands with changing her diet to gluten free but, no - not an issue for her. She's happy eating the cereal, she seems to like the arse tasting bread and she is loving more fruit in her diet.

Last night I tried the Freedom Foods gluten free Double Choc Chip biscuits and nearly choked on the disgust of it all. I sat down with a coffee and what looked like a lovely little treat. Alas, not to be. It congealed in my mouth, nearly cutting off my airways and went down like gritty sand mixed with sawdust. Foul!! But, being the evil mother I am, I put one in Peta and Ben's lunch and also gave Blair one, laughing to myself thinking of their faces when they bit into what looks like a treat but tastes like dried dog poo. Then Phoebe asked for a biscuit this morning and I gave her one, expecting her to spit it out. She loves them and just had two. I suppose she isn't so conditioned by taste as I am and she will quickly adapt to new tastes. Wish I could!!

We just got her blood results for allergy back and she IS allergic to peanuts but not to wheat. So we are going to have to keep a close eye on her.

Blood Test Bonanza

It seems blood tests are the thing to be having at the moment.

Blair has his results back and he has no issue with gluten but ...........

has a high cholesterol of 6.6!! Mine is perfect - 4.0. I am worried as he is not overweight at all and eats the same as me. So we are looking at real healthy foods as well as gluten free. FUCK. It's a good thing, it's a good thing. It is making us have a hard look at our diets and it is going to be a good thing.

On another note.... my sister had some blood tests a couple of weeks ago as she kept feeling sick and having a crampy tummy and had been having full on headaches on one side of the head for a while. She has a history of migraines so she just thought she had better get it all checked out. The doc wrote her a letter saying he was away for a week but needed her to come in and have more blood tests as there were some irregular results in the last ones. Apparently she had higher than normal levels of something and he says that this can be indicative of some sort of cancer. Being my sister, she didn't listen to what the high levels were and what sort of cancer it could be. She is just casual as about it. Actually, she probably does know but just decided not to tell me as she knows that I will get my books out and investigate it. I'm pretty confident that it will only be a virus or something and she will be fine. Aye??

I went to a great evening on Friday night with Getrude Matshe at She cafe in Governors Bay. Getrude was amazing, a woman from Zimbabwe who had come from nothing to a near 40 year old who had set up three successful businesses including a talent agency that provided Africans for the Skull Island scenes in King Kong. I really enjoyed my first night out away from Sian and leaving her at home with Blair. She performed a wee bit but all was fine. It was good for me to get out as I have been rather overprotective of my wee darling, considering all the shit we went through with her when she was a couple of weeks old.

When we were at the cafe we met the owner, Bernie Prior, and he is a speaker in his own right about the Feminine Divine etc. I didn't quite get where his angle was but he was asking what I did. I said nothing really, a mother of four. My best mate Kim gave me shit and said don't ever say you do nothing, you do more than most of us. Anyho, Bernie told me to be careful crossing back over the bridge on the way out of Governors Bay as he has made a giant sculpture of a pregnant woman with a big tummy, big breasts and wild hair. I commented "kind of like me then" and he didn't get it!! He said she was a sculpture of fertility and I freaked.

So much so, that I have booked in tomorrow to get another IUD put in. I know, I got pregnant with the last one in but at the moment condoms are the only form of protection and considering I have gotten preggers on the mini pill, with the withdrawal method (no kidding on that one), and with an IUD - I'm just not overly confident in the condoms to keep me safe. When I have my bits fixed I will get my tubes tied but that could be at least 6 months away so I thought "Freaky sculpture guy has given me the shits, time to get an IUD"

I Made My First Loaf of Bread

Give a man a loaf of bread and he will eat for a day

Teach him to bake and he will eat for life

- unless of course you are teaching him how to make gluten free bread and he will probably not eat for life, he will dry retch and then starve to death.

It's Official - Im Sensitive

To gluten that is. Got the results yesterday. Peta and Ben are not, so that is good. Blair's results not in yet.

I'm looking at this in the most positive light. I can now focus on finding out a whole new way of cooking and eating and eliminating gluten from mine and Phoebe's diets. My body can start functioning better because it will no longer be fighting the food that fuels it. I am actually excited at being labelled. Strange, I know, but we always knew that didn't we?

As for the wee drama that has been playing out in my head re the friend situation:

I had a heap of comments saying ditch her, as I would probably comment on your blogs if I heard a similar story. But I had two comments that stood out. One was from Arron's Kiwi Girl and it mentioned how long we had been friends and maybe I should mention a few of the issues on my own and see how it goes down. I have decided that this is a great approach and I will start by clearing the mind of all the crap I am holding over her at the moment, stop dwelling in the past and just make sure I stand up for myself in the moment when she offends me or runs me down.

The second comment was from Ana, who had no link or way of replying back so I will do it here, and hopefully she comes back to visit. Ana came from a completely different standpoint on it and, I must admit, at first I got a wee bit defensive about her comment. Then I re-read it and thought about it and decided that I was being very judgemental of N myself by what I was thinking. Which is exactly one of the flaws I was pointing out in her character. Yes, N does drain me sometimes but maybe it is because she is trying to boost herself up and this is the only way she knows how to do it. I want Ana to know that, although my comments about the Te Reo seemed like I thought it was wrong, I don't. I think every child in New Zealand should learn Te Reo and I also think that everyone has a right to their culture whether they choose to follow their own or identify with another. On the other hand, I suppose my inability to understand where this particular person comes from is because we have been friends for 17 years now and I have seen her change her whole personality in the past two. And I don't think it matters if you are one smidgen Maori or 100%, you have every right to identify but I do think that people also have to face the future and realise that this is 2007 and we have to come to terms with the fact that New Zealand is a multi-racial, multi-cultural nation and I personally, don't think you are doing your child any favours by putting them in a full immmersion Maori schooling system. Is it going to do them any favours in 20 years time?? I would like to thank you Ana, for pointing out my lack of acceptance and also for showing me that I have become a bit of a hypocrite in my actions. Arohanui.

Could They Get Any Bigger??

I kid you not - these are what my breasts look like at the moment. They are lumpy and I just want to cry but, I'm tough so I'll carry on.

My man has proven to me in the last 24 hours - twice - just why I love him to death and he is my best friend.

1. When he got home from work and I was sitting in dining room, breast pump milking my engorged breasts, muffin top swelling over tight jeans and grimacing in pain (not an attractive look) he offered to "suck" some milk off each breast for me if I needed him to. There was no sexual innuendo in it, he just wanted to help my pain. I didn't take him up on the offer but thought it was extremely thoughtful.

2. My best mate txt me last night to see if I wanted to go to a cafe in Governor's Bay tomorrow night to hear an African woman talk about her plight in life and how she has overcome it and then go for a drink at the pub. I replied that I couldn't as we are very low on cash due to bad weather and Blair not having work and therefore a low pay. When I told Blair he seemed upset that I couldn't go out and just phoned me to say that he has organised a progress payment on the garage he is building and that I should go out. (This even though he knows Sian is very attached to me and is likely to do her prunes for him).

So, this leads me to this question:

Who do YOU love and what is a great example of why??

Gluten Filled Binge

The whole lot of us (bar wee Sian) had our gluten blood tests yesterday. Ben was the biggest woofter about it all. A family full of girls and my son is the biggest of them!! So, in celebration of us going gluten free tomorrow, we went OTT on the gluten crap last night and today. We had:




and



and




and



and




and




So today I am finishing off lollies galore, feeling like a bag of arseholes as I have sugar and gluten overload and brain fog to boot. Got my breadmaker and will be doing a gluten friendly shop tonight. It's pissing down here today and my breasts are ready to explode. Sian had her last breastfeed yesterday morning due to my new meds and I literally feel like my tits are going to burst open and there is going to be a milk flood in my street!!

I'm Blowing Up ......

I was about to do a big boring post on my blood pressure, final breast feed for Sian and all that - but then I decided it's too boring and I might just do it on something completely obscure . . . .

I have an old circle of friends that have been close since about 15 years old. We have had our split ups etc, some of us have married each other (co-ed) and some of us have completetly decided we don't have anything in common.

Two mates that I have stayed really close to are N and K. N has just had a baby, day before me, and is suddenly the "mother of the earth". And that is not my term, she calls herself that. This is the chic that has constantly had something to say about my mothering, and others, before she had even had kids of her own. K is a blast of a chic. Had a rough year when she was 16 and lost her boyfriend to a gun accident. She went through her ups and downs and there was plenty of drama but we all still loved her for her sassy ways. The three of us have remained pretty tight. N has recently married and thinks she is the schnizz! K is my World Vision mate who has spent half of last year travelling around Thailand, Laos and VietNam by herself, she is a small blondey with the balls of an elephant. She gets out in the fields and plants the rice with the old arthritic ladies and hitch hikes on the back of scooters with fair dinkum monks. I love her to bits. She drinks like a fish and parties hard. N is like the polar opposite but still has her special place. But ..... this is the scenario that went down last week and I want some opinions as to what we all think of this behaviour:

N phoned K to see if she would like to have dinner with them on the Wednesday night as her and her husband and baby were staying in the husband's mothers 2 bdrm unit in town. They currently live in a tin shed with a bucket of sawdust for a toilet so this is luxury for them. K said she'd love to and would it be okay if she brought her boyfriend of 3 months so that they could finally meet him. N said "oh, if you really want to, there isn't very much room and C (her husband) has invited a mate as well". K, being K, thought fuck it, I'll take him, no dramas. Then the next night N txt K to say, C is going to invite his sister and husband as well so there is not enough room for you and your boyfriend so you will have to miss out.

Now I find this fucken rude. Who invites somebody over for dinner and then phones the night before to say they've invited somebody else the same night so you can't come anymore. The chic has lost the plot. She has turned into a doormat for her husband who is a pig! Blair is Maori, for any of you who didn't already figure that one out from the kids' beautiful colouring. N is not. Her husband is 1/38th or less but is always going on and on about it, they have both gone and learnt Te Reo and refer to everything in Maori. They even named their completely unMaori looking wee boy a Maori name and not a common one either! They are looking at putting him in a full immersion Maori school. They are doing nothing for his future at all. And she has the fucken gall to come around here and tell me that Sian doesn't look as Maori as her wee boy. Who fucken cares?? She tells me I am letting the house go if I have washing on the couch to fold and tut tutts because I have decided to feed Sian baby food at 4 months. This is my fourth kid, I think I know what the hell I am doing!! She knew about Phoebe's second birthday for ages and half an hour after it had started txt me to say that they couldn't come because they wanted to cut some firewood before C went away (two weeks later!!). This episode with K is about the final straw for me. Am I being over sensitive or is it just time to say "this friendship has died it's natural death and move on"? The sad thing is she thinks we are best friends still!! I can't stand her self obsessed bullshit and I can't believe she thinks she has the right to be so bloody judgemental to everyone.

Am I being a cow??